I'm sorry I did not notice your more frantic thread.
I am here to say that it is possible to outwait these betrayals. I never did succeed in detaching but I followed the plan to not take these romances personally. I think for awhile I was basically the OTHER WOMAN in his stupid affair.
We have muddled through it all somehow and I am hopeful that we are coming out on the other side. It is perverse, but the more time your husband spends with the other person, the sooner he will become disenchanted. {or she will!} Comfort yourself that way. Do NOT allow your children to start comparing you to Carmela Soprano, as mine have done!
Keep your power as well as you can by keeping your sense of humor. See these oldish Romeos for the ludicrous dorks they are and then, offer them a dignified way home.
