questions to all infidelity veterans?????//

[iluvme]

Those are pointed questions and realistic situations that you are confronting. Yes, I am at my folks for a couple of days a wk. I go back to see the kids for the other half. My H did the whole verbal abuse, cut off all finances, put the kids in daycare, and told me to get out. My H is a control freak and will not give up anything especially $$$ even though he has OW and wants a speedy D. So I know exactly what you mean when you mentioned how your H treats you regarding the fan incident. Meanwhile, you are biting your tongue b/c you are DB but haven't detached.

So being at my folks for part of the time makes it easier for me to not witness all my H's activities as often. I can also avoid his berating. My H isolated me from everyone that he associates with as soon as I found out about OW. He also screens the home phone when I call for the kids and he refused to take my calls on his cell phone (not that I have called him in months). He is also deliberately bad mouthing me for his legal documentation. Therefore, I have decided that my best course is to go very dark.

When I am there to see the kids, he will barely help even if the kids want him and he's at home. When he cooks, it's for himself and the kids and makes sure everything is separate. He has no accountability and comes and goes when he pleases. He makes plans to take kids out and doesn't invite me. So I don't feel it is mentally healthy to continue keeping home like nothing has happened.

It sounds like you still have your H's heart to some degree b/c he is still at home and has not pursued D or separation. I know you want your sanity b/c it is unhealthy to take all the crap that he is dishing out. Know what you will put up with and never sacrifice your dignity or self-respect. Set your limits lovingly. Detaching is the key but I know living together makes it really hard. Have you asked him about MC? Is he still taking care of the bills? Are you a SAHM?

Btw, I am even keeping email to bare minimums. It is pure legal business or regarding the kids. I hope others here can give you some advice about detaching in your sitch. Do you know how he feels about continuing the current living sitch?