Backslide today....more like landslide!!

[25yearsmlc]

Mom2,

What state are you in? And when your L says 2500$, how can he mean "whole thing, soups to nuts" IF it's possible your H's will drag it out? Meaning, $2500 is reasonable for a filing, a division of assets and a couple discussions between L's and clients. Not a fully cooperative divorce, whatever that is. But a normal Decent divorce with a few conflicts about property and resolution relatively quick, yep 2500 is very reasonable. But what about bonehead shark man? And btw, Just b/c a L is called a "shark", does not mean he's good at his job, or respected by colleagues,or liked by the judges. But if H's L is a jerk, as he seems to be, it could drag on and on. As you are a sahm, your H will be on the hook for the fees. Ahhh, but you say your h is UNemployed....too bad for him.

The judge in THIS state would assess support based on his earning capacity. They recognize such a thing as deliberate "under-employment" and he could still be on the hook. Sounds great, but you can't get blood from a turnip. Meaning, if he has nothing, the judgements you'll get against him (which you should do) will be meaningless until he has some money. OR you get a disproportionate amount of the assets to compensate. Maybe you'll get the whole house, both cars, etc. to make up for him not making payments....Ask your L. ALSO, even if you don't have assets or he has no money, get the judgements anyhow. Someday he might inherit money and if he already had a judgment lodged against him, you'd get paid up.

I think the biggest "semi-realistic" fear would be that he gets or IS disabled, mentally, or physically. If he cannot work, he cannot. So that is a concern if he has a history of crap like this. BTW, in my case if we were still on the road to D, I'd make sure, even if I had to pay for it, to INSURE my H's life and health. H's income is high, as is our overhead. If he died there'd be life insurance, yes. But if he became disabled, I have not found a policy AT ANY PRICE, that will match his income or even pay more than half his salary. SO, for me, my H's disability would be financially a disaster (not to mention emotionally, etc., but I'm being very "factual" right now. )

You need some financial info, and to get prepared. SO, what are your earning skills? H's? Assets? I mean, if you were living paycheck to paycheck, and don't own a home, the good news is there is not much to fight about and then a $6000 retainer is crazy UNLESS it could be the "sharks" insurance that your H would at least pay HIM...

Try not to get into the bag lady syndrome that we ALL get at times, even when it's totally irrational. You will be alright. Besides, maybe when your H gets a look at the numbers, he'll start getting a tingle in his brain that won't be the good kind of tingle. Sorry if I am repeating myself about this, but please also know that MANY men, in these types of circumstances, will DEMAND more time with the kids or full custody in order to lower support payments. Not to be with the kids more, but to pay less. Expect that threat. Don't fear it. If you are the sahm, you're not going to lose your kids. WORST case scenario is 50/50 and most men cannot do that and have their "freedom" let alone a career. I cannot recall what your H's deal is right now about the job. Is he employable or not? Are your educational credentials comparable to his? How long have you been at home, ages of kids, HIS income, etc. all factors. But like I said, I don't even know your state.

Here In California, a CPA divorced his wife after a long term M, and eventually became a minister. He wanted to lower the support payments b/c his income went down so much. Court said, "tough" b/c your family's standard of living was "X" based on CPA income, and H's new religious beliefs notwithstanding, H had to pay his kids and wife based on his proven earning capacity AND what they had been used to. Ct said why should THEY pay the price for H's "new" faith. H appealed and said BUT I'm a GOOD guy, minister, etc. Public Policy,etc etc.. H appealed to California Surpreme Ct. H lost. So that's the law here. No such thing as the guy deliberately underworking...IF he has earned significantly more in the past, it will count for something. And courts don't like little kids being fobbed off onto daycare right after their dad's run off with ow's....Do you think your H would/could make allegations of you being unfit? That would suck.

Enough of law for now. I can't give you advice b/c I'm not licensed to do this online or wherever you are and I don't have enough info. anyhow. BUT, please please communicate with your L soon so you'll feel better. Usually I think, knowlege is power, and it feels much better to know that you won't be out on the streets with your kids under a bridge.
j-