Penny, you are doing as well as any of us. Your intentions are good and that is what matters. Every horrible one of us has crashed and burned on occasions. The trick is to predict and then avoid the triggers.
Wine makes me truthful. Viciously, truthful and careless too!!! It feels so excellent at the moment, but I have had regrets later. I first started to feel hopeful about my own situation when I realized my husband was the one that would 'repair' us after these red wine fights. We have a lot of rituals to do with cooking and places and things. We have resorted to those when things became terrible.
My best advice to you and anyone else, is to remember the good stuff and do that. I walk a tightrope with this, because we swill wine while he cooks. If I am not careful I cross over into needy or hurt or sarcastic {my favorite!}. He can drink like a pirate and not get drunk so he watches me disintegrate while the curry bubbles.
Just forgive yourself if you mess up. You can only be honest. That is the best.
I need spell-check too. I find my self searching for synonyms. Unfortunately, there is no 'sinonym' for synonym! I looked that one up....
