I tried to start a conversation on Saturday which turned into a very deep painful talk. The main things I got from it was 1. we made a mistake getting this house (when we decided to get back together our TH was sold and we had a month to find a home) 2. we got back together b/c we where scared financially 3. nothing has changed and Im the same old guy again.
I tried to ask questions, like why are you so upset with me? She would say Im not. I pried more and said well you dont seem happy. She said she wasnt and stated the topics above. I stated how Ive asked her to spell out "what" it is that bugs her about me but she never does it. She will say i write it out or I need to think about it. Basically anything to avoid it. I told her Im trying to work on us..but she cuts me off with and Im not right? She said stuff like "everyone thinks your a saint and you do nothing wrong" ,"dont say anything bad about my uncle..aunt XXXX" our niece said to her last week while visiting them. That this isnt her house but its D and mine. That I turned D against her just like her family. I said "they have eyes and ears and can make there own judgments". I tried to tell explain how I have avoided her all week by leaving before she woke and going to bed before she came home. All because i was trying to give her space. She said that was stupid and sis it change anything? No!. All I could do was drop my head cause i feel defeated. She says she doesnt know what to do about us and has no ideas. That it was a mistake to get back together. I remained pretty calm and told her I dont and that I do love her. I just feel like I have nothing to work with here. That she doesnt communicate and every word that comes out of my mouth is the wrong thing to her. For me to ask something simple like , "Are you upset with me about something?" Would be returned with ..Did i SAY I WAS???? .I tried to explain that I AM ASKING a questions and trying to talk to her. That my words are not pointing a finger at her or putting words in her mouth. Finally I just said "PLEASE HELP ME" "PLEASE HELP ME WORK ON THIS RELATIONSHIP AND NOT THROW IT AWAY" . She just looked at me and didnt say anything else. No mean look or anything. She looked very beautiful actually. Since then we have been civil and say have a good day, sweet dreams, or happy easter. She was in a better joking mood today while running around trying to find something to wear for work. I went out and bought DB and started reading it too. Im scared and sad today but the hardest part is not knowing how to act around her.
