Valentines day massacre

[outtaluck]

Thanks again LN,

No, I don't think I'll be issuing any ultimatums at this time....as I know I would be the loser in that game. She has told me point blank that the marraige is dead and she's done... Soooo, that is what I would expect from any ultimatums.

She talks of this fantasy where were sitting around someplace, her and her new guy, me and my new girl, just having fun...better friends than husband and wife. I don't see it happening...

I don't know anymore.... She says that I'm being selfish, thinking only of myself...why should she stay in a miserable marraige just to make me happy...and, well....I don't have an answer for that....I just don't.

This is where those insecurities pop up. Blaming myself for all this....that the other guy really is a wonderful guy and maybe I should at least be grateful that she is happy with this guy....can't compete with him anyway at this point.

I tried the anger thing...got a punching bag in the celler that has gotten a heck of a workout lately... but I kinda end up angry at myself for F-ing this up.

So, I'm gonna try looking at this as something that just happened...see how that goes.

She still wants to be friends sometimes...talking with me like I was one of her girlfriends. Telling me about her "date" with OM where they went...how much $$ he spends on her...how they sometimes fight.... Funny...he makes jokes that she takes seriously and gets pissed....JUST LIKE ME. Ugh....its like trying to keep a smile on my face while the dog is biting my leg.

But.... I like that we have some kind of dialog... I try to just listen without commenting much....figuring if I can see what this guy is doing that I'm not might help me somehow. Its hard though...getting a play by play of how he's sweeping her off her feet... Its harder being strangers though. So, it might be best if I could just be her friend without me saying something stupid....

Sometimes I think this is another test....for her to see if I can rise up and be the better man that I say I can be...

Good news...car registered....the kid is back on the road...the job search goes into high gear tommorrow