how's my sitch. well, i'm still married but since the lawyer has the info, it must be God holding things up! he wants to be friends; he bought me candy for christmas (huh??) and now for easter??? He agrees that unless he figures out his issues, he's doomed to make the same mistakes over and over again. i think he wrestles with guilt but what do i know. oh yes, he and OW are still strong as ever.
if i look to him, i have no hope. It's only when i look to God i have strength to stand. Now i feel the time is getting near altho i have nothing to go by except that burden for him, and the 40 day promise. I AM being attacked big time; i feel such heart-breaking despair at times, and other times such anger! I can only give it all to God. when it hits i tell myself, i gave it to God, so its not my problem, its not my problem, its Not. My. Problem. other than that, things progress. all our worst fears came true about the neighborhood; i was vandalized and broken into 10 times within 3 weeks during january. God turned that into a blessing for i've been out of work since valentine's day and will be getting by this month on the insurance money. I learned a new skill--plumbing! from when they ripped my copper pipes out. I'm picking up freelance photography work; I've started a new line of jewelery (made from my broken windows and the story is getting me great publicity); i'm starting an online business/blog. hopefully, if i can weather these next few months til i get some income, i will do wonderfully, and doing everything i always wanted to do.
i often wonder, why do i want him back? I'm content by myself, and i don't have to be alone if i don't want to. he hurts me so much and biblically i have the ok to walk and remarry within God's will. So why am i compelled to stand and fight for this marriage? whenever i think of quitting and moving on, i have a heart-rending hurt feeling. it breaks my heart to see him so lost, and then i can't NOT stand and fight for him. its like my burden. so there you have it. nothing much has changed..well, except me. I have changed a lot. i appreciate your prayers, and i will keep you in my prayers also. you were such a lifeline for me when i was here. jacqm
