Looking Up

[Heywyre]

Journalling

Well, H has gone to his "fight night"

I don't know if I did the right thing or not, but I am sure there will be some of you out there (particularly COG) that will set me straight if I didn't

He was working on his truck for about 3 hours this afternoon and said that maybe his friend would come over for supper but he called and cancelled so then he had to make up his mind what to do. I told him to go ahead and have fun. He said he didn't want to go because we were going through "a bad spell" right now and he felt bad leaving me alone. I said I appreciated it but I was a big girl and I would be fine, I had a lot of things to do and might even go for a drive. That is when the antenna went up "what, a drive by yourself?" - ya, you got a problem with that (but I didn't say it). However, he thinks nothing of it when he goes for one (to clear his mind - he says - which was more like going to see the OW a lot of the time in the past).

I know he is feeling a lot better about our situation (but I'm not - I am really down about it for whatever reason). Moving here was probably the best thing we could have done because it got him away from the OW (2½-3 hour drive each way to see her. However for about 4 months after we moved here he was going to see her every Monday (his day off) that I didn't know about - the SOB!!!) but amazingly enough he refered to her today as being "evil" and that "it just isn't the same world I live in" so that really surprised me. Maybe there is hope after all eh?

Anyway, it seemed like he didn't want to go to his "fight night" with the boys so I said, well you have to make a decision (because his friend was going to pick him up) He kept insisting that he felt guilty about leaving me and perhaps he should just stay home, we could have a drink and just spend the night together (which is something I would have LOVED to do) but I kept encouraging him to go, saying "it will do you good to have some time out with the guys" - something he has NEVER been one for doing. He's just not a partying, drinking kind of guy.

I have managed to stay clear of saying anything about finding the OW's webpage (she's an escort) so he still thinks he was a benefit to her (maybe I will let him know in time what she advertises on there but for now I think things are still way too raw)

However, I do think I need to dump so I will be visiting the boards and perhaps a one-on-one with the psychologist to allow me to air my thoughts about this whole thing.