I didn't know she had cancer until about a week ago when her husband, who is also a friend, emailed me about it because she had to leave her job because she was having liver issues.
Kim was the first girl I dated when I was a freshman in college. I really liked her but we were just young and such, and we moved on after the first year.
No big deal, she ends up getting 'attached' to my dorm - mate and friend Bruce. The rest, as they say is history. Bruce and I ended up being housemates for a year later, and Kim was ALWAYS around (she was Bruces squeeze). So, we were all very good friends and after graduation we would sometimes get together and such since they were only a 3-4 hour drive away.
After I moved to California (they live in the North East) I didn't see them much but we would occasionally fire off an e-mail 'checking in'. Bruce never mentioned Kim's ailment, and I hadn't really talked to him for about a year anyway.
Then he e-mails a week ago with this news that she has to stop working because she is too weak.
I'm shocked. "No problem", I think. "I can fly back next week and reconnect to my old friends and make sure I have a chance to let her know I care."
No such luck. In 3 days she's in Hospice, which I know means 'go there to die'.
Today she died.
And even though I haven't seen her or Bruce in a few years, I miss her. And I am so sad for Bruce and for their S14.
It's hard to explain how a connection that was made many many years ago can still be there even after you don't see the person for so long. Maybe it's just me.
It makes my problems seem so small in comparison.
I'm so angry because I SHOULD have stayed in touch with them but I was so far into MY sh*t and my DB'ing and my W's affair and, and and, and, and,and,and...
Look people, no matter what you think of ME, get THIS one thing right:
You will die. Period. Ask yourself how long you want to stay in the quagmire of fear, and uncertainty and hurt.
Or, maybe, just maybe, if you learn what you and your S did that put you in this place where your relationship is BROKEN, and you LEARN what can make a relationship work and you LEARN what it takes to reclaim your manhood or your womanhood then perhaps, just perhaps, you can climb back up to the top of the mountain and bask in the bright sunlight and declare to the world I AM THE BEST I CAN BE and I will continue to do my best!
And if your S is not capable of doing THEIR best then you will lead them on that path, or just GO on that path and hope they are smart enough to follow you.
Because YOU are stronger.
I will tell you one thing. Kim did not NEED Bruce, and Bruce does not NEED Kim. They were together because of love, not need. Half of us here are together because of need, not love. We love the person we're with, but we need them more than we love them.
Kim and Bruce are christians, so, if you are also, a prayer for Kims soul would be great. Bruce posted the following:
Quote:
At 4:45 March 30 2007 Kim's next jouney began when she finally passed away. Russell and I had been with her for several hours prior. As time passed my mother, my father, and our best friends (Russell's Godparents) Cliff and Linda all arrived and were there at that final moment. Our Priest and Decon came by in the hours prior to her passing away as well.
Russell and I had some private time with her where we told her we would be all right, we loved her and would always keep her in our hearts and that she should let go. She was fighting right up to the last minute. That is what I call an indomitable spirit. I will just have to wonder if she ever knew how many lives she has touched in her abbreviated life. Wasn't I the lucky one to have shared the greatest and deepest portion of that life.
Tomorrow the family will all go out for dinner to celebrate her life. If you her friends and neighbors think about her Sat night at your dinner, think of all the goodness she brought to the world and how the world is a better place because of her.
I've noticed that my posts are not coming from my place of integrity right now so I am leaving the board for a little while.
Please don't post any "I'm Sorry" posts to my thread. If you have a chance, hug your kids, hug your S, let them all know that you are filled with pure, unconditional love no matter what they choose to do with their lives. If your S is one of the crazier, meaner ones, remember that they are sick, their soul is damaged.
Frank....thank you for your wisdom and strength all this time. I remember you early on this journey and your experience has been the strength of so many.
Thanks for the reminder, very simple...to just be good to one another and be good to ourselves.
My glasses broke yesterday. what a crazy end to a crappy week.
My friend dies of cancer, she lives on the east coast so I didn't get to go to her funeral because I just didn't have time or money.
My truck is parked by my house and is hit by someone who flips their car, my truck is totaled and since I had a loan against it I have no truck any more. At least the loan is paid off.
all kinds of things break in my various servers and online web systems so I'm swamped all week with nothing but problems.
frank, just popping by to see how you are doing as I have seen you around the boards, but not much on your own thread...
Your advice & guidance is so sound & it occurred to me like you have a close relationship with our Heavenly Father?
I do trust you "posting from a better place" as you mentioned that you were unhappy about this at one stage?
THANK you on behalf of all us not_so_wise_DB'ers for ALL your insights and kind advice do pop by my meagre thread if you have a chance or feel inclined to do so as I'm sure you can offer me something perspective!
