what country are you in? It matters. I hear what you're saying about hurting for your daughters....of course you want to be with them.. But it is not selfish for you to GAL. If you think it's selfish, you don't understand what it means to GAL. Getting a Life means finding things/activities/people you enjoy doing or being with (no OM) and enriching your life so that you are happier AND that teaches your children/ daughters to do the same. Right now, you are modelling victim behavior for them by allowing this. "THAT WHICH WE ALLOW, WE ENCOURAGE."
Don't teach your children how to be victims. Teach them how to find the strength within, to live a life without abuse, and without shame. Let go of your past as it is crippling you now. What's done is done. You cannot undo it, and he cannot hold this over your head forever. Besides, he has hit you before and there was NO affair then. He's a bully, and whatever else...While I am not justifying your short lived "A" - there are obvious reasons for it. Your M has serious fundamental problems and is literally physically threatening to you. That has to stop and ONLY YOU can stop this. Like I said, it matters what country you are in, for there are ways you can get out of this that are easier in some parts of the world, even in Muslim countries.
If it were me, (and I live in the USA) I'd rather rent a room in my sister's basement, than let my kids see me with a black eye from their dad. I'd share a bed with my kids in that basement room, read stories to them and tuck them in at night, in peace, inside my one room place, eating hot dogs and macaroni and cheese, rather than living in a mansion with steak every night, with FEAR and SHAME....
I know in my heart, your kids would rather you tuck them into a bed they share with you in a tiny cramped apartment, than to deal with what they already have been through. Your daughter's suicide comment SHOWS us that she is already being damaged by what is going on. You are Not making it better FOR HER, by staying. I think she wants to get out of there WITH you....we want to help. I don't mean to tell you what to do, just wanting to help. What country are you in? Why won't you say? j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
