Major Major backsliding for me! But I don't think it is all my fault. Listen to this... went out with H on Friday... as usual he brings up OW... remember i told you her house was robbed... she is trying to pin this on me... she told my H that the police told her I was connected to the guy that did it by phone calls... and he didn't know who to believe... I said to him have you lost your mind! How could you ever think I had anything to do with that!!!!!!! I had to drag info out of him because he has been talking to OW alot and she is turning him against me big time.
He was really mean to me he kept telling me to Shut the F up when I was trying to tell him stuff like the robbery was about 3 weeks ago and that the police would have questioned me by now and the guy that was caught would have turned in the person that would have put him up to it. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! I told H I have 3 children at home, why would I ever put myself in that postition!!! I am so angry at him! I am having a hard time DBusting now! He said he was going to go to the police station on Saturday and find out if I did it or not. What an idiot!!!
Yesterday as soon as he left me he went out with OW. I know it because as soon as he dropped off son for work, he went out and called her right away and when I called him to pick up daughter, I said, What ya doin? which I haven't done in 4 weeks, he stuttered and I said it is quiet were you are he said he was in the bars bathroom and then he was going to go to Autozone and get wipers for my car. Well, I said, just be honest with me, he got mad and hung up and I called him back and he would not call me back!
When he got home I said sorry, but I wasn't and I knew he was lying because I asked where were my wipers and he said, well I was in the Autozone parking lot when you piss*d me off, so I did not get them. (What?! liar liar - he said he was in the bathroom at the bar) I know he was with her and maybe at the police station and her apartment. What the hel*?!!!!
She is calling him at night again and H is calling her, too. They call each other all throughout the day again. There affair is full swing again, with his honesty going right out the window in a 4 short weeks, sneaking around and lying again!!!
HELP HELP!!!! What now!!! This isn't supposed to be happening!!! OW is working on him big time. He told me on Friday night when we were out he still cares for her and I called her every name in the book when I heard she accused me of her house robbery. I asked him to stop the affair in which he promised me before he came home.
Full Swing AFFAIR again!!!!! I am so angry and feeling just like before!!!!! What the F$%^!!!!!!! This is too much for me!!!!
Okay - your OW falls squarely into the psycho predator category. I'm willing to bet she DOESN'T have cancer but just made that up, and that she staged the burglary too.
Not sure what your best approach is. Sometimes CALMLY pointing out that the OW is lying to manipulate him will work. He'll deny it, of course, but it will plant the seed of doubt and eventually he will discover the truth and be mad at her. But the more you attack her, the worse you look, so you need to stay above the fray, above reproach, and be very gentle in how you phrase things.
Hang in there. Whack jobs like this OW will usually do themselves in eventually.
I got my Cell phone bill yesterday and there are no strange numbers I had called, should I show it to H or just let it go? This would prove OW was lying! I talked to a police friend of mine and he said I should put a restraining order on her even though there is not proof of all the harrassment she is giving me. Not sure if I should do this or not. What do you all think?
Today is Easter, hope it's a good one. My H won't be coming with me and the kids to my families house for dinner because they hate him and he doesn't like them either.
I am worried he will spend it with OW. He will probably go to her right after we leave.
God Bless you all and I pray for you and hope you have a wonderful Easter with your families.
This accusation from my H has really put a damper on the way I feel. I am so disgusted with my H right now. I feel he is pitting against me. Another betrayal and a serious one, too. And he has fallen back into all his deceitful ways again. How did this happen with all the DBusting I have been doing?
Cissy - of course you feel horrible! I get this sick feeling in my stomach reading about he lies your H is again telling you. All too familiar to me. My 2 cents is to not accuse him of anything nor try to defend yourself. He is in "OW can do no wrong mode" and no matter what you say, he will defend HER. Take the high road no matter how hard it is right now.
My H's OW claimed cancer, too. Then, she played dumb like the Dr. mispoke himself. WHATEVER! She couldn't totally play the cancer card, though because H told me some stuff and he and I researched it together! Anyway, I won't say any more about it to H, though because he will totally defend HER.
Oh girl.. take care. This OW is psycho and you are gonna get sucked in!
I hate when my H calls Ow half of the time. It is bad enough she calls him everyday every day, I am so so so sick sick sick of it. I told him I can't tell him what to do, but asked him to stop all the phone calls.
Hah! Wishful thinkin on my part!
And (backslide) I reminded him he promised to end it with her before he came home... what a jerk!!!!! I told him she is tearing us apart and pitting us against each other AGAIN!
Why is it I have to be the one to keep bending over backwards and letting him walk all over me and my boundaries when he should be so glad to have me with how good i treat him! I just don't get it. I can see doing this for a time, but something has got to give!
I'll give you some good advice that was given to me by (many) other seasoned posters on here: STOP BEING HIS MOTHER AND TELLING HIM WHAT TO DO. As long as you keep doing that, he will resist, trust me, I know where you are at. Regardless of what you do, you can't stop him from doing what he wants to. It's like a parent that tells a teenage girl not to go out with a certain boy - ya right like that's going to happen. All it will do is make her want to go out with him even more
HE is the one that has to decide when it is right for him to stop calling and talking to her (1) YOU can't make him stop and (2) you can't make HER stop either
So quit your whining and GAL
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Focus on you honey please... Gal and stop obsessing about them, for you not for him~ You matter so much and the sooner you realize this the better~ God bless...
Thanks for reminding me to stay focused on myself. I know I need to do this, but i feel I need to pay attention to what is going on with H and OW to protect myself.
I am getting more and more concerned with OW trying to "set my up". I looked at his cell phone this morn (I know... I know...) and there was another text from her to H that she got another threatening phone call for her to stay away from my H.
I still think she is making it up, but she has my H convinced that it is true and I would bet my life on it that she also has him convinced I have something to do with it... so not true.
He is distancing himself from me and his attitude towards me is changing. I am just worried she has started something very serious and wants to pin things on me and make trouble for me in which I have done none of these things because she is jealous of me. I have 3 children at home whom she (OW) would never even think twice of putting them in trouble, too. Why can't my H see this? I think she is not a very nice person and could get very nasty.
She is starting things in which i don't want to be involved and I am angry at my H because he could stop this all by breaking it off with her, but he won't. I do not feel safe with him. I feel like he is turning on me. He has stopped telling me anything since I got so angry about her trying to pin her robbed house on me. But I was angry because I would never do anything like that and didn't. And now she is supposedly getting all these threatening calls which the first one I told H she was making it up because she just wanted him to move back in with her. I think she has got him convinced I have something to do with these things, but I don't and would never put myself or my children in that position, he should know that of me by now.
I know I am supposed to be paying attention to me, but I don't want to let my guard down. I am worried she could really start getting nasty with me. And through all of this almost 2 years, I have been pretty nice to her. Why can't my H see everything for what it is? She's got him eating out of her hand again.
This time, some serious stuff I think or maybe am I just to overly worried? I am a worrier. What do you guys think? I am trying to PMA and I am doing things for me, but H is worse than he has been ever before, he is going out just about everyday, not exagerating and doing whatever he pleases without regard to me or his children. I asked him would he like to have dinner with us today, (now mind you he is living at home) and he says, I don't know, I will have to see how my day goes and how I feel. And he looked aggitated I even asked. It's just dinner. He doesn't even eat with us anymore.
I know I can't do or say anything to control him, but the less I say and the nicer I am to him the more advantage he takes of me. I thought this DBusting was supposed to have the opposite effect, unless it is because of all the involvement he is having with OW? She has more pull than I do still, I guess, but I will keep trying for a little bit, yet.
Sorry if I am repeating myself, just venting, too.
Any thoughts would be appretiated. Has anyone had trouble like this from the OW and how did you handle the sith? Thanks.
Ok, I am not in the sitch, and don't know exactly what I would do, but do you think you should do something drastic such as tell him he needs to either break it off or get out? There is just so much of the crap that you can take. I know that you need to get to the point where you are "done," but he just seems to be doing whatever he wants and not knowing what the reprocussions are going to be.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I had to drag info out of him because he has been talking to OW alot and she is turning him against me big time.
