Matilda, I don't mind talking about sexual issues with you. It's relevant to my situation.
We tried joint counseling twice prior to the separation. It didn't help at the time. My avoidance patterns were too entrenched. Maybe it was my way of exiting the M at the time. Maybe I was being passive-aggressive. Maybe I allowed fear to control me. Maybe I couldn't relax enough to work-thru the process. It was probably a combination of all the above.
I managed to break the avoidance pattern the third time with a therapist. Unfortunately, she was finding her own exits.
I don't have any performance anxiety regarding sex at this time. I don't feel rejected that she wants a higher quality sex-life. I'm frustrated that we're not working on making it better. I bought the videos, and was ready to go.
I'm not going to pursue sex with her while she sleeps elsewhere. If she extends an invitation, I will consider it. I will also likely not return to sharing the same bedroom while she continues her GW/sleeping elsewhere behavior.
I think the sexual issue only partially contributes to her GW/sleeping elsewhere behavior. I think this is a MLC vs. a WAS situation. A WAS has legitimate reasons for leaving, and needs to provide a wake-up call to the LBS. That is not the case here.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
