I'm not sure. I pretty much fit the people pleaser profile, but I'm definitely not a compulsive giver. My mother fits the injustice collector profile and I'm trying to decide if she fits the compulsive giver profile. She does always expect reciprocity and harshly judges people who don't reciprocate. But the behavior described in your links sounds a lot more extreme than either my or my mother's behavior. Anyway, here's a summary of a convo we had today:
She calls to complain that her BIL (a widower) who lives a few doors away won't drive my father and herself to the airport for their trip north in July. She does all this stuff for him, inviting him for meals, blah, blah, blah, so the least he could do is give them a ride. Now she'll have to ask a neighbor for a ride, and of course the neighbor will wonder why BIL isn't driving them, so my mother will have to explain. I say the neighbor will neither ask nor care, but my mother says she'll be sure to tell the neighbor that BIL refused to drive them. She just doesn't understand why BIL is so selfish, and she takes this opportunity to remind me of another of BIL's transgressions. (She seems to think most people except her are selfish, especially me and my father.) I try to explain that BIL is reclusive, afraid of driving, whatever. (He's also an alcoholic and I'm sure an HSP.) She says she figured out a route that shouldn't be a problem for him but he still won't do it. I say JUST LET IT GO. AHHHHHHH!!!!
She truly believes that the everyone should conduct themselves according to her specifications. She also believes she is flexible and easy to live with. *snort*
Everyone has narcissistic tendencies. If we don't, we lose ourselves to others and there can be no such thing as a boundary. Vaknin has a lot of good stuff on his site. I would venture to say that everything he lists is within all of us, to one degree or another. Who hasn't succumbed to "narcissistic supply?" Giving advice on this board fulfills that very function. Only when things become excessive are they a problem.
I'm not saying you, your mother or anyone else is narcissistic. Finding a true narcissist is rare, IMO. But the elements Vaknin describes in his many aspects of narcissism can be very useful information, IMO.
