He is leaving to be alone to THINK - now what?

[still hoping]

That's the same message I get and I've never sent/rcvd a PM either...
I've set up an email account: [e-mail].
Please email me when you get a chance!

[ourcrisis]

H picked up the kids for an out of town weekend fun. The kids are really looking forward to it. H told the kids he was away for business trip (which is normal). But S6 got skeptical. I told them Fri night that daddy is coming on Sat to take them on a trip. Now, usually daddy comes back in the evening after a business trip. Sat morning, S8 asked, "Where is daddy? Was he here last night?" He just does not understand why daddy is coming back on a morning. S8 is not asking much but I am sure he senses something.

Anyway, here's the big news. While h was here waiting for the kids to get ready, we talked a bit. Last communication was how I blew up at him over text messages about not wanting to hear from him till he is "DONE WITH ME, DONE WITH HER, OR YOU HAVE DIED". Well, he asked me out for dinner in about 10 days. I told him "You know what I said." He said, "Yes, and I am asking you out to dinner." So, I guess the BIG DAY is coming. I am VERY SCARED, yet calm. I am making myself to have NO EXPECTATIONS. His decision was to be "her, me, or leave both if he cannot decide." I know the third option is a real possibility. I am starting to think this is like those murder mystery movie. The suspence is driving me crazy. But this is h, never say anything until he has everything planned out.

[ourcrisis]

Journaling.
Kids actually do not miss daddy. He called yesterday to talk to the kids. The kids only talked to him for a short while before hanging up. I feel bad for him that the kids do not miss him.
I had a bit of a crisis with home so that's keeping me busy. Too bad as I wanted to do a bit spring cleaning, oh well, another time. I feel pretty bad now at nights because h is not here. It brings back the memories when he still had the A in secret when he would be out till early morning. Trying to cope with it as best I can.

[lovelyolive]

Hang in there OC. At least right now you KNOW that he is not coming home at night. Isn't it worse when you wake up and then stay up waiting for him to get home?

Is the dinner with your H still on for next week?

[ourcrisis]

In the sense, YES, it's true that I know he is not coming back at night, I can just be comfortable by myself.
I just started reading "Getting Back Together" and it says separation may be good, though I think in my case, we did not do it right or do it for the right reasons. But whatever, I feel OK these two weeks because I have time to really think without him constantly at the background. I know it will be a long journey if we do get back. At the same time, I am also reading books on separation and divorce. I wonder if "I am on the fence?" :-)

Dinner still on. In about a week, we will all know. OK, I do believe in him, but that's the "before-him", who was just a great husband and person, whom I believe in. With this "new him", I do have a slight doubt that he still won't be able to decide. But regardless, I am making my own decision at my own pace, so in this sense, I have been detaching really good this week. (Despite still some crying and sadness, only makes me a human!)

[lovelyolive]

I go through those same range of emotions and have felt like I was definately the "on the fence" the past couple of weeks. I think it helps us to get some feeling of control back and helps us to detach as best we can. Take care OC

[ourcrisis]

OK, this waiting is killing me. I am getting quite emotional this weekend. I keep getting so obessed about next week's dinner. It does not help that seems like the few people who knows about this are all busy so I have no one to talk to. Nights are difficult because I miss him.

I cannot stop thinking about next week. OK, I will just ask you all. What would your reaction be depending on his decision? He will tell me one of three: "I told her bye bye....", "I don't think I can leave her, therefore I will leave you", "I still cannot decide....may be I will just leave both of you". I knoow I will be civil in any of the above. I am just very concerned about how I should react. I do not know why I should be so concerned about this, may be because I think the "wrong" reaction will send him away? Or am I trying to preserve my own dignity? I do not know.

Any thoughts or ideas about how to prepare for the BIG day for me?

[lovelyolive]

Hi there... I don't blame you for being nervous. It gives me a stomachache just thinking about what you are going to have to face. My thoughtis - prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Also, make sure you look AWESOME! Get a manicure, pedicure, new outfit.. whatever makes you feel CONFIDENT!

Really think about how you want to respond and what you wish to say in reaction to each possible outcome. You already know the how.. as calmly as possible (even with the good one!). As for the what.. maybe some "experts" like HB or ROOT could help you with that...

[ourcrisis]

hello, anyone with any suggestions?
Meeting h tomorrow for dinner. very scared. I know I am supposed to stay calm regardless, but still very nervous. thanks olive for your reassurance. I am a bit all over the place emotionally now, so just having you to reaffirm what I am thinking helps a big deal. I hate suspense :-)

[Heartbroken]

Hello!

Well when my H was 'feeling' me out on where I stood - he said "I am done thinking about filing (for D)' and then asked what my feelings were on filing. This is how he started to let me know he was emotionally done with her - he just needed to figure out how to let her down 'gently' WTH??? And my emotions were again put on the back burner for another weekend with the OW. He told me 3/8 he was done and just needed to get rid of her which happened 3/12 - though she still txt once called three sep. times and emailed once - he did talk two times on the phone with her. I finally said if she calls again he is to tell her we were reconciling.

I agree with Olive - prepare for the WORST and then maybe you will be surprised with the best. These WAS just are so messed up and they really don't want to hurt either party - yet it hurts us all. Too bad people cannot see the pain prior to even thinking about starting an A - it could prevent soooooo much agony. My H says it was so not worth it now and he wishes we could go back and be the fun foursome of friends we all were.. him, Ow, Ow ex and me - they really got the most hurt out of all of this. She filed and they are now D and it scares the sh*t out of me how close we came to being done.

Whatever your H tells you - try to take the high road as much as you can - it will be worth it in the end. When I busted my H for bringing that skank into our home (I was out of town w/the kids) I was never so hurt and angry yet within 5 mins I still told him I was not going to file for D - he needed to get out and figure it out and convince me why we should D and that I would not even consider filing for 4-6 mos. I would have waited a minimum of a year - then who knows I probably would have kept on waiting. This is easier to say now b/c OW has been gone for over a month now. If she were still doing sleepovers at his apt i might have ended a lot sooner than a year.

I wish you the best! You will become a better person b/c of all of this - I have!!