We will only take your honesty...no lies, no pretending.
Yes, we support you...but my approach to you is one of letting you see how unproductive, meaningless, self-destructive and unfounded your ways are...it is a painful situation, but when will you realize that all of your emotional unrest is caused by YOU and you alone? What impact does that have on repairing your marriage? None, zero, nada, nothing...so why continue? Do you think it even phases your H? No it doesn't...not one bit...he has someone else who is stable...what are you offering him? Meds, clingy wife, one who can't function at work...
You aren't weak, you lost yourself by giving him your personal power...you live through him...you gave up your friends and you expect him to fill the void in your being...that's not his job. He's a partner, not your reason for existing...you abused that partnership by not giving him his right to breathe, to do things on his own without you there 24/7 constantly. Your neediness made him look elsewhere for a partner. He can't talk to you because you ask millions of questions, then more, you talk him to death, so he clams up - you talk more, hoping he'll open up.
Tam, if I said go to the stove, turn a burner on high - then place your hand on the red-hot top - you would scream, from the pain, right? If I said do it again - would you? Heck no, how idiotic would that be, right? Well, we have said that you need to lovingly detach all of your emotions from your husband, he's the red-hot burner...asking for hugs, spying, checking at sites to see if he's there, wondering what he is doing, saying, going to be at, etc., etc, etc.,...all equal your hand...get my point?
You are allowing yourself to be hurt, by doing the very things that "PREVENT HIM" from ever wanting to come back to you... it doesn't feel right for you. Your comfort zone lies in being dependent on something or someone...out of that zone, you then become disoriented, confused, scared - like a fish out of water. You don't like being alone...you would then have to rely on your own...it's easier to rely on someone else, for you...
You are not weak...were you weak before you ever met your H? No. You earned a college education, made good grades...so why is it so hard to let your H work through his A - alone - without you coming unglued, irresponsible in your work, feeling like crap? WTH does your coming apart "HELP" getting him back? NOTHING... it pushes him away......now do you get it????????? You need to be sharp, on target, focused, attractive...not lethargic, crying, sniffling woman...that's why it must stop...NOW...it doesn't do you, him or your business any good acting like a zombie, out of control...now stop this...
The chances of him returning depends on you being fresh, alert, positive, focusing on your business deadlines....showing him you are in control of yourself...that's what will impress him...
