Hi to all of you. Thank you so much for your support and ideas how to handle my problem. I unfortunately messed it up even though I intended acting as if. H didn't contact me this morning until 10:30 which really annoyed me as we had some things planned and then asked me to meet him somewhere at 11:30 and then as I was on the way there with S he changed the whole arrangement. Consequently I was rather annoyed by the time we ended up meeting up and I snapped at him and he asked what was up and I said everything. OK big exaggeration with the everything but you know what its like when someone asks that when you're cross. It ended up being a bit strange really in a good DBg way I think. It started to turn into a row because I was so angry and H I think was a bit like "where has this come from?". Anyway he said he thought I knew he might stay out based on a conversation earlier in the week. Although when he'd calmed down he admitted that what he had said did not actually imply he would be staying out. H said he didn't think it was fair to answer his text last night saying it was OK to stay out (it wasn't OK but I didn't want to say so and spoil his night out) and then be cross with him today. I could see his point so apologised and fell silent. This in turn calmed H down because he thought I would just keep going and going like the old me and we smoothed it out really quickly. So although I messed up it kind of prooved we have both really changed the way we handle arguments which is great because it was a real problem before.

He has gone to work now and won't be back until the early hours but I've asked him to call me when he's on his way home as I have a surprise for him. He thinks I'm mad for wanting him to wake me and I know it will make me a little tired for tomorrow but I feel bad about the way I handled things this morning and want to make it up to him. We have a really big garden and we've just finished a new bit to it and it looks really lovely. So what I'm going to do is send him a text telling him to follow the lights and I'm going to light some candles in the garden leading to our bench at the bottom where I will be waiting with the easter egg I've got him. I've never done anything like that before but have always wanted to and H has started to do more of the romantic things he used to do so I feel I can do this now.

Oh and I agree with you about letting him have freedom so that he wants to be here more. A friend of mine does this with her H and half the time he decides not to go out after all! She was a big help to me when H left and made me realise a lot of the things I should have been doing and wasn't. I didn't have a problem with him going out at all it was the sleeping at his friends and not telling me until 11pm that I had a problem with. It is so true that once you know you can do something you're not really that bothered about doing it. I am going to try harder at this. I amazed myself how well I did it when H first came home and he was going out about 3 times a week then and it has gone down to mostly once a week with the occaisional twice a week and I didn't show any problem with him stopping out. I think maybe I am expecting more now - like some consideration! \:\) and that is why I'm finding it harder to be OK about him staying at his friends. He said today that from now on he will only stay at his house when he has prearranged it with me before hand and made sure we are both totally OK about it rather than just deciding while he's out. I think this seems fair.
Thank you all again for coming to my rescue I don't know what I'd do without your help with all this piecing stuff. \:\)

Last edited by inpain; 04/06/07 09:28 PM.
M-43 H-42
S-11 D-7
T-19 yrs
M-15 yrs
Bombshell 9/17/15
Sep - 11/9/15