Thanks, everyone. I was having another (more minor this time) meltdown a while ago and read your posts and regained composure. Thank you.
Today is a busy day, so don't have much time to post right now, but just wanted to thank you.
Saw H today briefly and talked to him on the phone a few times regarding business issues. Nice, pleasant conversations.
Part of my minor meltdown today was regarding work issues - I am so incredibly far behind and am just getting overwhelmed - overdrawing our bank accounts (I NEVER do that), bills being late, files not copied and filed, items STILL not over to the mortgage broker for refinances and not knowing if they're going to have enough time to get the refinances done in time now, etc., etc. I am really stressed out about it. I don't think if I worked 24 hours for two weeks I would be caught up.
So, I started to get overwhelmed about H and the work stuff and just took a few deep breaths (plus a Xanax - sorry, needed right now) and am just tackling one thing at a time. I can only do what I can do. I did ask H to run a few errands for me today, so that helped. He said he was "happy to do it," which was nice.
The main "problem" I'm having now is that I've gotten so far behind on my work that I NEED TO WORK so much to work towards getting caught up - I simply don't have time to GAL right now with friends, etc. I guess I just need to work towards doing something for ME at night before bed or something. However, I'm alone too much right now, and that is part of my problem... I really need to get back to the gym around other people there, get out shopping every once in a while, would love to go visit my parents (they live about a 3 hour drive away) but am afraid they will "see right through me" or that I might break down in front of them, so don't think that's wise quite yet, get together with some friends, etc. I still have plans to do the weekly girls' night on Wednesdays but have not sent out the e-mail yet to everyone for the first night - need to do that.
And while the meds seem to be helping a bit, they are making me so incredibly tired all the time. It's the Xanax mainly. So I hope in a few weeks, when the Wellbutrin is supposed to hopefully fully "kick in" that will help to even out my moods some so that I won't need to take the meltdown drug. Believe me, it has helped me a lot the past few weeks... I know it's not a "long-term" thing, and I'm not trying to make excuses, but remember that H didn't tell me until the first of March that he didn't want to be married anymore. Before then, the idea was always that we were going to give it another shot. So I've had a HUGE mindset change and emotional setback since then. It's like starting over, but much worse this time. So bear with me. I'm not even close to feeling as stable as I did before we went on our first trip... AND I know I may only have until the end of May or so (if things haven't been resolved somehow before then) to do my very best to learn the lessons I need to learn, change myself for ME, find the hope within ME, believe that "It's Never Too Late for a Miracle," live deliberately for what I want - I simply don't have a choice, and I don't have a lot of time...
H does seem a bit "softer" since I've gotten back. I look at that as a small baby step...
Okay. Gotta run for now but just wanted to thank you again and get you up to speed. Thanks for kicking my butt...
