I gotta say, this confident playfulness stuff works great.

Here's how it went down...

Me: (Kissing her neck)
Her: What do YOU want? (she's kind of in a blah mood and a bit cranky)
Me (smiling in exaggerated false innocence): What makes you think I want anything? (blatantly looking her up and down and undressing her with my eyes)
Her: I can just tell.
Me: Well, mayyybe I do. Is that a bad thing?
Her: I thought I was getting a week off! (she's just barely started spotting. I like going down on her but I don't like tasting blood, so I told her the previous night we'd get together after her period).
Me: I guess we can wait a week. (I'm being perfectly truthful here, NOT placating. See above.)
Her: Well, maybe I want to wait a year.
Me: OK, you'll just need to find me a girlfriend.
Her: What?!?
Me: Yeah, I'm not going to hold out that long. So go get me a girlfriend. Chop chop! (smiles and leaves the room)

I got laid VERY enthusiastically a few hours later (with my wife and no girlfriend).

This kind of playfulness cannot be faked. In the past, I wouldn't have even tried to approach her when she seemed down and cranky, or else I'd take her mood way too personally and get all defensive and cranky or placating in return and we'd be miserable together. I certainly wouldn't have tried to get her into bed, or even particularly wanted to go there, and she probably wouldn't have felt like letting go of her own cares and stresses to try to be sexual with me. So there wasn't all that much sex to be had overall, certainly not enough to keep either one of us happy.

So what changed? I lost most of my paralyzing self-consciousness around her, allowed myself to get really close to her, and showed her my own thicker skin that made her feel able to get close to me and bring out her own playful side while showing her my own. No one wants to play with anything or anyone made of glass, you know. And no one can really let loose and play while they're busy trying to forget or hide from their own insecurities or miseries, or trying to figure out How To Please Her.

Last edited by Crazy Eddie; 04/06/07 07:50 PM.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.