New To SSM

[COG]

Nopkins,

Since you have come over to the SSM forum, I was wondering what we could do for you.

Well I'm just not sure. If you can help me get one step closer to a regular sexual R with W, then that would be a big help.

The problem there is her misunderstanding of love. I work, even when I don't "feel" like it. Love is a lot like that. The feelings go and come, the decision to act is just that, a decision, feelings or no.

Well I know that, YOU know that, and Jesus said that, but my W is adamate about having the feelings. She's VERY closed minded about the "love is an action not a feeling philosophy." I quit trying to change her mind a LONG time ago.
It's funny because she trains like crazy for her competitions, whether she "feels" like it or not. She cleans house whether she "feels" like it or not. But if I point those things out to her she just goes into the dark zone. The door closes really fast.

Has she read Michele's SSM, or is she willing to read anything at all regarding relationships?

Nope! I gave her a copy of "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" a few months back and asked her just to read the first Chapter. It ain't happening.

Is she willing at all to work on the relationship?

No. She's just surviving. She's got her life, her friends, her kid's, and she's not willing to work on ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING that has to do with sex.

If I dwell on it I get pretty frustrated. I mean how many married women out there would just die to have their H's set up weekends away, couples retreats, C sessions, read R book's, and books to improve their sex lives. She's as stubborn as ten friggin mules. It's the way she was raised. Her mom bury's everything, won't talk about things, just puts on a happy face and ignores the problems. Her Dad is defensive about things, he's always got to be right, can never just admit he does'nt know it all.

I'm all into self improvement, she's not. The biggest step is in admitting one's weaknesses, and that's just too hard for some people.

So right now I'm holding out for a lightning bolt or something, cause I'm all out of ideas.

but you will have to breach her entitlement and self deception at some point in time before you are going to reach her regarding the sexual issues.

What do you mean by "her entitlement and self deception"?

Love,

COG