Tam...you seem to be thinking a bit more clearer in this email...hold on to that...when you feel you are beginning to shake reread what you wrote...you lists of things going for you and positives in your situation are much more then I could have written in the first 17 months of my S...see, I knew if you focused you could see it...
I do agree that with 25yrsMLC that children do give us a reason to go on and get up each day...but I must say that times seeing the hurt in them was horrible for me...to have your son tell you that he just pretends not to have a dad so it doesn't hurt so much is heart breaking...I carried my own pain in this and shared that of my childrens...in many ways it would have been easier without children...although I don't know that I would have pulled myself together as I did...I was forced...I couldn't just lay down and die although many times that is what I wanted to do...
I think moving the office is a great idea for now...I would just tell H was I said before to say before....
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Also...I would move out of the office without a word as well..when he asks I would say..."Well, I decided it would be easier for me to work from home and whether we continue in business or not my office will work for me at home!"...that way you are not committing to being used as a business partner should the R/M come to end at some point down the road..
This makes you sound in control of your end of things...it makes you appear to make rational decisions...just deciding without asking him adds strength to you abilities to function on your own....
I know now you are probably fretting about "what if he realizes he doesn't need me anymore?"...Tam, he doesn't want an emotionally dependant person hanging on to him...obviously his OW isn't or he wouldn't have been able to go visit his parents, he would be able to stay late at the office...see what I am getting at...when he pulls away from you your automatic response (and most of us here did this as well)is to start grasping at anything to hold on to them...when really what we need to do is start our OWN life...this speaks volumes to them...maybe not initially...but eventually...and if there is a glimmer of hope that things are able to be worked out this is a VITAL move to make...show him you can stand up to him, be on your own, take care of yourself, and have a life...
I liked your plan to go out with friends...dancing and drinking...not sure that would be a good idea...especially with the meds...and being in a situation of other men dancing would not be wise when feeling so vulnerable either...I would recommend dinner and movie...have friends over to play cards or watch a video at home...have friends over for dinner...go bowling...arrange a spa day...get massages, manicures, pedicures...whatever you all feel like...I had candle parties and Pampered Chef parties because no one would ask where the H was because those are typically women's nights...so plan something so you won't have to explain anything more then he is working late...or he is staying away because I am enjoying my women friends tonight...there are many things you can do with friends that won't expose you to OM...and won't involve social drinking...which with your meds and emotions would not be a good mix...
YOU CAN DO THIS...I KNOW YOU CAN...keep up the positive thoughts...keep yourself focused...and do for you...
I want to share something with you...
Love your neighbor as yourself....if you don't love yourself you really can't love anyone else...it all starts and ends with YOU...
