Alaska, It sounds like you have a "zero tolerance" policy when it comes to a spouse having an affair. It sounds like your initial approach is an ultimatum. There is no taking a stand for you.
I think there is a place for ultimatums. I don't think this behavior should be tolerated indefinitely. I have to pursue a D, when I've lost hope that the situation can improve. I'm not there yet.
You're focusing solely on her sleeping elsewhere behavior. I'm looking at it from a larger perspective. I understand in a general sense what she's been going thru: her depression, her MLC, her childhood issues, her personality, her stressors, her maladaptive patterns, her trying to find happiness. It doesn't mean that I approve of the behavior; I just don't focus exclusively on it.
Am I a good person? Yes. Have I tried my best? Not yet. It's a work in progress, and I'm getting better at increasing my personal power. I will reevaluate the situation in one year. Do I feel I deserve better? I know that there are no perfect marriages or perfect people. This isn't completely about me.
Thanks for your viewpoint, but I'm going to stay the course.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
