Furniture moving today---feeling strange

[Struggling_Husba]

Are you saying that because she has shown that over the last 22 years, or in the last few months? Because the difference is immense. Your wife is in MLC. She is behaving like they all do...and many do not have a history of divorce (Sweetheart) in their families.

I think there were hints of her hesitancy to totally commit to our marriage in the past. At times I thought we had overcome this, and I thought she had really bought in to the idea of marriage as a true union of hearts, minds and souls. I can remember conversations when I asked her how long we would have to be together before she finally realized I was here to stay, that I would not abandon her like her Dad did, that she could really let me in, really share herself with me, that I could be trusted. She would occasionally let me in, but over time, because I could not validate her feelings in a way that made her FEEL validated, she began to withdraw again, to separate from our union. Now of course, it's been taken to the greatest possible extreme. She's done, doesn't love me, etc.

And why do you think she is taking all of this stuff? MAybe it is because she feels it belongs to her?

But maybe it is subconsciously her way of bringing you with her. MLCers take the stuff because they are not truly letting go. They vacation at special relationship places...yes with the OW/OM...but the memories are for the real relationship.

All of those things will rbing constant memories of the two of you together...so be relieved. She doesn't know this, so don't go telling her. Just sit back and watch...it may take months or more...but those things will eat at her insides because they are all about you.

It's hard to know why she takes what she takes. Some of it is just a sense of ownership I'm sure, but other things do seem to be part of us or even part of me that she wants to hold on to. I saw that she is taking a whole file of correspondence that includes every love letter and valentine and card I ever sent her. Why take that stuff if the connection is dead? That stuff seems like stuff to look back and read when she's alone and lonely in her apartment and I've got the kids.

She wasn't listening to her Mom the whole time...though the seed was there. So plant your own seeds...and give them time to grow.

I will try to plant my seeds, and I will pray for patience (and sun and rain) so that something beautiful may grow.

Thanks for checking in RCR. I really value your input.

-SH