Furniture moving today---feeling strange

[Struggling_Husba]

On Tuesday I bought new furniture for the living room and dining room because my MLC WAW will be taking our old LR and DR furniture to her new apartment. While I was shopping, I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I would normally deliberate for months before buying new furniture. But in this situation, I just went to the store on the day of a sale at 10am and left having bought two rooms of furniture by 11:15am. The whole time I was feeling oddly detached, thinking "This is nice furniture" but then realizing, "O sh*t, my wife is moving out!" I was not panicked, just in a very odd state of mind. I guess all the prayers for serenity and detachment may be beginning to work.

One thing that has been driving me nuts is how my wife has been looting our house. Every day I come home and more stuff is gone: books, utensils, crystal, dinnerware, kids clothes and toys, photos, etc. I know she's entitled to half our stuff, and I also am detached enough not to care about most of our material possessions, but what gets me is how easily she can split all of our stuff into what is hers and what is mine. I have been living with this woman since 1987! I see all of our stuff as OURS. Amazingly, she still sees everything as hers vs. mine. I think that is indicative of who she is. Even after 22 years together, she never truly bought into our union, she never truly committed to our marriage, she never truly trusted me (or us). Very early in our relationship, her (divorced) mom once told her not to worry if we fought because the relationship was "only temporary." We used to laugh about that, but now I realize the joke was on me. She was listening to her mom this whole time. As a child of divorce, she never trusted the institution of marriage, never trusted men, never fully trusted me. Divorce was always an option. And now she's taken that option. Her mom has been divorced and alone for 40+ years, and on days like today, when the movers are coming to take away my living room and dining room furniture, I can't help but wish that my wife also endures 40+ years of loneliness for what she has done to our family.

There, I've said it.

-SH