Sink or Swim

[osu43130]

Aud,
I am going to double post here hope you do not mind.


First,

So, any ideas on how I can encourage positive steps without dropping the issues that have to be resolved for me?

I think this might be a little easier than you actually think. It seems like you are too worried about pissing him off with your boundries instead of sticking to them and holding your ground. Now this is just my opinion, I think you need to treat him almost like a child throwing a temper tantrum. When a child throws a temper tantrum it is a lot easier and wiser to just turn you back and let them finish it and let them see that you are not giving in than to sit there and argue with them....

My pint with this is that if your H wants to truely work on your M he will have to take the proper steps for himself to prove that. You set your boundries and make sure they are clear to him. If he crosses that line turn you back and go dark. You saw how he did not like it when you went dark even for a couple of days. Now when you go dark, IMHO stay dark until he changes. H does not deserve an explaination as to why you are doing what you are doing he will have to learn for himself what is causing your change in attitude. When H sticks to the boundries reward him with your kindness and love but again he does not derserve to know why he is getting rewarded either. All of this should be part of his learning process. Do not know if I made anysense or not here...I might just be talking to hear myself talk....