Hi L, thanks for asking after me I'm not too good today unfortunately. Mostly because I'm having major pms tear fests but also because I can't stop feeling upset everytime H reads a text or writes a text and wanting to know how it is to/from. It is really annoying me and upsetting me because I don't even really understand why I feel this way. I'm pretty sure nothing ever happened between him and the W he texted when we were separated but I just hate the fact it might be from/to her and I also kind of feel like if I don't know who it is I'm shut out of his life in some way. I really want to sort my head out on this because as I say it is bugging me and I feel it is spoiling things. H thinks I just need time to realise he's not going to leave again....maybe he's right I just don't know. Now I sound like an alien because I don't know what is going on in my own head!
As my post says above it has not been a good day - lots of tears and still this problem with the mobile phone. H is out tonight which I knew about but he has now texted me saying he's staying at his friends house and he'll see me in the morning. I've texted that it is fine but I lied. It is not fine I hate it when he does this and I feel really upset. I've never felt suspicious about it before but I do tonight. When H told me earlier in the week he was going to be drinking I asked him if he would be staying at his friends and he said no and he didn't say anything about it today or when I dropped him off for the night out and now I suddenly get this text.
I'm realy upset but have had to pretend I'm not so as not to ruin his night out which was one of his major complaints in the "old" M. So what do I do in the morning. I know I'm going to feel suspicious and upset and will want to voice it.
Well, when he gets home, don't even show you are suspicious of his activities, because he was probably not doing anything bad, anyway. Maybe he was just thinking of you, and not disturbing you by coming home late, and being drunk. He seemed upset at that w calling you that day, so I don't really think there is anything going on, anymore, if ever. Just act as though it were a normal day for you, and be cheerful and give him a smile and a hug, and ask how his night went. I am having to do that, too, when H sometimes works late, and I have no way of knowing if he is really still at work. Just don't show how upset you are, because you don't want him to start thinking of the old you.
Don't show your suspicions. In fact, do a 180!!! "Act as if" you've had the BEST night and say something like, "So glad that you're not taking time to enjoy yourself with your friends!" After you've done this a few times in response to his hanging out with his friends, he won't feel the urge to fight you so much to ask for time out and his need to spend time apart will diminish. TRUST ME! I've heard numerous women try this approach and it works.
It would work with me. For example, if I went out dancing with my gfs and my significant other got jealous, I might want to go out again and think he's not cool or confident. But if he said with a huge smile on his face, "Have fun darling!" And then told me that it was important for me to take time out, I would feel validated and like my needs were being met as they would be and the next time I went out, I'd probably miss him and think, "What a nice guy my bf or H is, he really wants me to be happy!"
So no guilt trip, no tears, no suspicion, no drama! Got it???
You CAN DO IT!
love you
rainbowlove ----------------------- ALL IS HERE AND SO MUCH MORE IS COMING!
After you've done this a few times in response to his hanging out with his friends, he won't feel the urge to fight you so much to ask for time out and his need to spend time apart will diminish
I can vouch for this - i have seen it happen in my own M. It's like H wants to know he can if he wants to, and that's enough for him.
For example, he wants to go out all night clubbing with one of his friends at some point. he mentioned doing it back in October. I said "fine" and he hasn't done it yet.
IP - I think with this one you're going to have to push your feelings aside for now, give in so that you can win a bigger prize later.
AND - what's wrong with you throwing H out of the house for the night now and then? Have a Body Shop party, or even an Anne Summers!! Both great nights and no men allowed, so it would be a good 180 for you to say to H "I'm having the girls round, would you mind going out for the evening?". Try it!!!
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
AND - what's wrong with you throwing H out of the house for the night now and then? Have a Body Shop party, or even an Anne Summers!! Both great nights and no men allowed, so it would be a good 180 for you to say to H "I'm having the girls round, would you mind going out for the evening?". Try it!!!
I LOVE IT JEN!! Awesome advice and it works!! I can vouch for this too btw.
Love you Inbliss....
rainbowlove -------------------- ALL IS HERE AND SO MUCH MORE IS COMING!
I'm not too good today unfortunately. Mostly because I'm having major pms tear fests but also because I can't stop feeling upset everytime H reads a text or writes a text and wanting to know how it is to/from. It is really annoying me and upsetting me because I don't even really understand why I feel this way. I'm pretty sure nothing ever happened between him and the W he texted when we were separated but I just hate the fact it might be from/to her and I also kind of feel like if I don't know who it is I'm shut out of his life in some way. I really want to sort my head out on this because as I say it is bugging me and I feel it is spoiling things. H thinks I just need time to realise he's not going to leave again....maybe he's right I just don't know. Now I sound like an alien because I don't know what is going on in my own head! 
