Lately I have been trying to work in an hour of exercise. Not too exciting. I would love to quit my job and have more time for ME! H would just think I was being selfish, though.
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Matilda, I can understand how GAL would be difficult for you, but am glad you're taking some steps to increase enjoyable activity to your week. Give yourself credit for starting an exercise program.
Are you in a financial situation where you can cut your work hours? If so, why would H have an issue with it?
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Are you in a financial situation where you can cut your work hours? If so, why would H have an issue with it?
CL
H is the one that likes to spend money. If I quit my job it would mean less money for his toys (i.e. new boat). (Also have to consider college costs for D16). I am considering working through May and then explain that I would like to have the summer off to really enjoy the boat together. He doesn't have routine hours so our days off might never be the same otherwise.
I need to show how not working would benefit HIM. (My current job would not work as a part time job)
Meanwhile, H due home tonight. I told him I wanted to go out for dinner one of the nights he is home. I think I made it clear that I wanted it to be just us--a real date!
I told him I wanted to go out for dinner one of the nights he is home. I think I made it clear that I wanted it to be just us--a real date!
H was busy working on the boat pier yeterday; I met him there after work. D16 calls to ask if she can spend the night somewhere. Perfect! I suggest the nice restaurant, but H said he'd rather spend the night at home. That's ok. We drive toward home (in separate cars, of course) and he calls to see if I'd like to eat at another place (less dressy place so he could go "as is"). I agree rather reluctantly... H's friend is a waitress there on Thursday nights!!!!!!! Was he taking me there to show her we are together? Did he just want to see her even if I was with him? Did he not listen when I said I wanted a real date?
Did he not listen when I said I wanted a real date?
I'll try again tonight. Matilda [/quote]
Matilda, Your situation makes me think of the chapter in DR where MWD asks us to think of what we want in a R, and to then ask for it. It's clear you want to have a date with your H that is private and free of distractions. It sounds like you've made it clear to him that this is what you want.
Why do you think it's not happening? What is his level of motivation in fulfilling this expectation for you?
It seems like you're pursuing him to fulfill an expectation that you're asking him to meet. It also sounds like your pursuit is not working.
DR asks us to experiment and monitor results. Is it time to take a step back and reevaluate your strategy? Is the expectation of an exclusive date not realistic at this time?
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Matilda, I'm saying to stop pursuing if it's not bringing you two closer together, and getting you the results you want. You need to put your energy into where it's going to do the most good.
I'm going to experiment with posting in the Infidelity forum. My W has resumed her sleeping elsewhere behaviors. I need more support than what the Piecing forum can offer at this time. I'll come back when the sleeping elsewhere behavior stops for an extended period of time. My new thread is "W at Home, Yet Sleeps Elsewhere."
I'll keep checking on your situation. I'm on the boards almost daily at this time.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I told him I wanted to go out for dinner one of the nights he is home. I think I made it clear that I wanted it to be just us--a real date!
Hi Matilda - This reminds me of the time when NG was still moody after the end of his a. He would give the impression of hearing me, and later I would discover that he had no clue how to make it happen. When I would suggest we go out one night, turns out NG was anxious it had to be an expensive posh thing, and what would we possible have to say to each other for 4 hours when we see each other every day almost all day, anyway. The thought of having to 'entertain' me scared him, apparently. We had to break into the going-out thing slowly, by first making it a foursome with another couple, and then by re-learning how to chill out together without any expectations on either side. Lots of WOA to NG helped make him more comfortable that there wasn't a huge mountain to climb.
Maybe an activity combined with dinner, say movies? It also seems to help if you were planning to go (ideally with friends) whether he comes or not. That seems to reduce the 'pressure' that an evening's success is dependent on their moods/decisions.
