Tam...I really wanted to reach you from your last posting but you hadn't started a new one...
I think for the time being you really need to simplify things with work as much as possible...just email H and tell him your not feeling well and need a lighter load and you will take care of XXX and he will have to handle the rest for now...
You shouldn't have asked if he told his brother...you are still concerning yourself too much with what he does,says,goes....it doesn't matter who he tells, it doesn't matter if he tells the world...heck...I was the one with the big mouth here but I knew my H told a few people (his family) because they quit talking to me...yes it hurt but you know what???...It didn't kill me...what was killing me was hanging on like some pathetic helpless leach...I had never supported myself...I married young and depended on H for that...I met him at 15 yrs. old so you can see I was pretty dependent....you have the ability to make it on your own and you KNOW this...
Holly is no dummy at this....neither is 25yrs....neither is 1210...and neither am I...we have ALL been where you are...remember I told you don't have the corner on sensitive feelings...my whole world colapsed around me...I told you only a speck of the things that went wrong during the first year H was gone...you have not experienced that at all..
I do feel that spending time with H and his family now is the wrong thing for you to do...but from experience you will do what you want...I think this pain is lingering because you and H did go visit his parents together and you pretended all to well that things were "ok"...you can't do that anymore...you done with the charade...so just let H explain it how he wants...I know Easter is coming up and you have mentioned getting together with family...all I can say is I hope you find the strength to stay away...it is eating you alive everytime you play "we're okay" with the family and friends...
I don't know what more I can say...you appear to be spiraling out of control from one crisis to the next...I do remember that when I would have to see H and then leave him I did the same thing...but I made sure I kept it to myself as much as possible because my kids needed a sane mother...I only used drugs for a few short weeks because they made me feel physically worse and I couldn't deal with the numbness it sent through me...I had to feel my emotions to deal with them...
You just need to let go...it doesn't mean your giving up...it doesn't mean that H will never return...you forget, my H told me there was NO chance...he would never come back...gave me absolutely no reason to believe otherwise...yet he is in the other room right now...he has been with me for a while now...he can now tell me he loves me after I tell him...this is HUGE for him to do...he couldn't say it for years!!!
So Tam...grab hold a' dem boots and pull up!!!...the only way to the other side is to cross the bridge!!!
"flushing you out of the bushes"...sometimes H would play games...he would purposely not answer to see what I would do...he could predict my reactions...I had to learn not to be so predictable...
What ever you do...DON'T call him, email, or text him...you have YOUR OWN JOURNEY...and if you don't take it...he won't get on with his...
Reread the posts here...you got a lot in a short period...read it again and again...you will survive...
