NEW THREAD FOR 2940 --- HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[25yearsmlc]

2940,

I have not read your thread except this post, but will read it and comment later. Only wanted to say to you, this DOES pass. Your pain is not eternal and it is not fatal. It's great for diets, lousy for sleeping, and a gross terrifying experience deep in the gut. Been there, done that. Good for you on the xanax. If you still want to call him in an hour, see how high the dose is and take another if its not too much. (I'm not a doctor, but I have played one on tv, and my Hmlcer is a doctor, so I'm sure I know almost as much as they do...). Keep posting here. When I was at my worst, I read a Marianne Williamson book on anger/fear--she has written many and I forgot which one said this, but it's an exercise that worked for me. When I could, usually in the shower, I'd say a prayer of sorts out loud to God. Use your "higher power/universe" etc./whatever works for you. My "prayer" was more of a mantra but I just said to God, "I turn my pain and anger over to you God." I said this sometimes, 100 times in the shower. Crazy stuff, but it helped, and won't hurt to try. Saying it out loud somehow reaches our inner psyche more than just to ourselves. Later I did something similar to calm down, if I thought H was going to call. Kept me from spewing. Sometimes had to "forgive H" out loud too, before his calls. Like a 100 times. He'll never knew what it took for me not to scream/spew, etc. The "mantras" ....and xanax....

But here are the answers to the scary questions we all ask ourselves at our darkest moments. We search for meaning in our pain. What caused it, how to prevent it from happening again, how to Comprehend any of it.....We want this to MEAN something..I only know what this crap does NOT mean. (Using "he", but can apply to either gender, and I detest having to even say that, but I'm sooo pc...)

Having a walk away spouse/MLCer/ cheater/ whatever, well, HERE IS WHAT IT DOES NOT MEAN:

1) we are UNlovable. If we were, we'd have no friends or close family, and be unable to hold a job down, or we'd be in jail/mental hospital.

2) he/she never loved you and it was all an illusion
3) he DID love you once, but you were so unworthy, he just stopped loving you.
4) when he got to know the "real" you, he just stopped loving you.
5) he was a jerk and you were blind to it until now.
6) he was not a jerk, but you turned him into one.
7) you don't know how to give love.
8) you don't know how to receive love.
9) you will never be loved again, if you ever were.
10) you will never be happy again.
11) God let this happen because you deserve it.
Well, since we now know what the poop we are experiencing does NOT mean, we just need to remind ourselves of it. Often.

Know all this, and you will make it through to the other side. That does not mean D or any particular outcome thing EXCEPT that you will "make it." Meaning your life will get better. Gotta go read your thread.
j-