Need help quickly! Am a mess in tears and feeling like I want to cry to H... Need to calm down and pull myself together... HELP!!!!!!
He called me back this morning around 11 and we set up lunch together at the office to go over business stuff at 1. I did fine during our meeting. I didn't talk unless he did - no mindless chitter chatter... It was really awkward at first... We both just kind of sat there, AND I purposely did not start chitter-chatting. I just waited for him to say something, and then when we finished talking about that I would wait again... It felt kind of weird. I kept thinking, "gosh, we haven't seen each other in almost a week and a half and we have NOTHING to talk about??? Wow, he's REALLY going to want to be with ME!!" But I didn't want to chitter chatter, so I just let it be. Is this normal to feel so awkward? It's almost like we've grown so far apart now.... I think that's why I'm so upset... The hug (more to follow on that) was like "I love you, but we're not going to work this out." That wasn't said, and I know my mind is probably just playing tricks with me, but I'm so scared....
I did end up asking him about his brother - whether he knew or not. I tried to be casual about it, asked a question about construction that his brother is doing and then said, "Oh, by the way, did you tell your brother or any of the construction guys or anyone else about us?" He said no. I asked him to please tell me if he did tell someone, and he said he would. And I left it at that. I don't know what he told them for why he was gone from the job site for two days... Oh, well. That's his deal.
So we had a nice business conversation. I told him I liked his haircut (he seemed embarrassed and changed the subject really fast...) He didn't even ASK about Vegas at all! I think he thought if he did I would ask where he went, and he didn't want to go there....
We finished our meeting and got up, and I asked for a hug (I know I shouldn't have). He said sure and gave me a nice, big, strong hug. It felt so nice. Then he left to go run some errands.
So, now I'm a wreck... I'm a ball of stomach wrenching tears and am scared I'm going to lose it and go crying to him... I'm so tired of the pain... I just want this all to get better... I miss him so much... HELP!!!!!!!
