I guess that makes sense. Like you Nicola, I do have some anger towards my STBCAXW. But it is regards to the impact this is having on the kids - which she dismisses, but is VERY VERY REAL!
D11 yesterday afternoon told my Mom - "Grandma do you know that Cousin1 and Cousin 2 are going to be my step sister and step brother now?" My mom asked her how that made her feel and she said "It creeps me out a little bit." My mom asked "Did you talk to your mom about this?" D11 said "Yes". My mom asked, "What did she say?" D11 says "She said I am creeped out by it just because it is new to me." Whatever Jill - you Psycho!!!! See it makes me angry just typing it. My children shouldn't have to deal with this situation. Just makes me want to be a stronger parent, but it does make me angry at her.
So sometimes I want to get back at her, but you are right - I also want peace. In the end, Jill is not worth it....and certainly stress is my life is not worth it over her.
Well, tommorrow is D day. It has been a long time. The bomb was back on March 26, 2006. Tomorrow, the D that I fought so hard against is finally here. At this point, it is welcomed.
I feel okay. Part of me thinks there is something I should be doing or taking care of. I guess I will just pray.
Please pray for me, my children, and yes - even please pray for my XW and my XBIL.
Thanks so much for all of you that have followed me, helped me, gave me a place to vent and a place to cry over the last year. I guess shortly after if I stick around - it would be time to change forums to "After the D".
Santhony, I have watched you become a better man through all this. The vistory is yours. You will be happy again because of all your work, efforts and love. Go to another forum, if you must. But you still belong here. It is about friends!
BTW, I spoke with SHerman the other day, make sure you contact him. He is great! Lots of happy news! It will inspire you.
Praying4aMiracle is great too. Not much contact with either of them, but they are men in relationships. I want to be careful of my friendships with them.
FriendlyOne, is well Friendly. SHe has been on a sebatical to Wyoming. She will return soon. If you have the super secret cell phone number, she would be thrilled to hear from you!
You will be in my prayers tomorrow. I do worry about your XW and her OM. They are in a not happily ever situation, as you know. Now YOU on the other hand, Well you like the name Holly! Peace out. I hear in MIchigan it is an easy hearing. Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
I think you have to go out with a big bang, a big party.
You have to wear the clothes I picked out for you, and you have to mix all the drinks.
You have to leave your tight jeans and bow tie, to the next pool boy in line.
You, just can't leave without 2 weeks notice, and I don't really want you to leave at all (sigh)
tomorrow is my moms bday, and she is a saint of a woman. Everytime you think doom and gloom b/c it is the day of your D. Think of my mom, and think of how if you were one of my brothers she would of probably hit you with the broom at some point in your life.
Think of that, then smile.
“Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.”
Just to clarify - I am not leaving this site. Sorry if it came across that way. I am simply going to have to move to a different section of the site - like AFTER THE D or something......
Yes - yesterday was anti-climactic. I didn't go to the hearing... XW called at about 4 and said it was over. It almost didn't happen because her L called at the last minute and had "more important things to do". So XWs L said she could postpone or they could send in a "junior colleague". XW had to wait several hours for her case to be heard. Everything was already done and signed (we signed everything back on March 28, 2007). So my L advised me not to go. Even XWs L advised me not to go. All she did was provide signed documents and POOF! - we were D!
I felt a sigh of relief. What's funny is that I never filed a response to the D papers I was served with and I didn't even show up to the hearing. So I never even had to agree to the "Yes - there has been a breakdown of the M that is not recoverable" question. Didn't have to answer it - the answer is undoubtedly YES.
I feel relieved and happy that this is finally over. My life can continue to move forward free from the shackles of this D mess. A tiny part of me is just a bit bummed - I am now a D statistic. I never thought I would be one, but here I am. It really isn't as bad as I thought - I don't feel any different - I am still me!
Part of me looks back and knows that I had some good times with my XW and I will never let her paint our M as all bad - no matter how hard she wants to try. But part of me also knows that this woman had/has problems. And she will struggle in life until she has dealt with these problems. As I look back, I see that her whole entire life has been one of simply pointing out the problems and then figuring out which way to point the figure for who is to blame. I take responsibility for my contributions to our problems. I know what they are, have confronted them, and aleady am proceding more intelligently in life thanks to this whole experience. I have found solutions to what I consider my problems.
Maybe it is the engineer in me, but life is full of problems. When you find a problem you can either blame someone else for it and sit around and wait for it to fix itself OR you can dig in and find a solution for the problem. It is not always the right solution or the best solution - but nonetheless - it is the desire and attempt to find a solution to a problem that perhaps separates those who get it in life from those who mearly watch as life goes by them.
There is a quote I found by Henry Ford. It goes like this:
"Life is a series of experience, each of which makes us bigger even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and griefs which we endure help us in our marching onward." - Henry Ford
Today I woke up relieved. Today and for the rest of my life - I will march onward. One chapter of my life has finally come to a close. I have already turned the page and dipped the pen back into the ink my friends. For today, I continue to write the story of the rest of my life.
I thank you all for your help over the last year. I mean this with all of my heart - I would not be here if not for the help and support of all of you. I really don't know where I would be. But certainly finding this site, Michelle's book, and all of you has changed me forever. From the bottom of my heart - I am truly thankful to Michelle and everyone here. You all have been a beacon of light in the dark nightmare I have gone through. I have come out a better person. I have come out closer to God. I have come out closer to my children. I have come out a lot smarter than I was before. Most of all - I have come through this having the opportunity to meet friends like you.
Santhony,, I never got to say goodbye to you and I sure do miss your spirit. I am sure you will have a life filled with blessings as you are such a wonderful Human Being. I know for me .. I will never forget you.. God put you in my path when I needed your help daily and you were there for me. For that I will be eternally grateful. I finally figured out how to look you up tonite as I was once again wondering how you were! God bless you Santhony you are one awesome MAN!!! LOVE, Ali
