After my last post, I loaded the kids up and hit the road for an all-nighter drive home. Sixteen hours later, we rolled into our driveway, and I had no idea what to expect from H. (His last communication with me was a TM saying he knew he'd never be enough for me.)
Walking in the house, I noticed he had completed a mountain of house projects: fixed and painted our propane heating stove, fixed the wall behind said stove from the original install two years ago, purchased and hung several new light fixtures, fixed a fan in the bathroom...and more. It's funny, because he did these same types of things immediately after the bomb last July too. Nice to have those things done though.
I called just to let him know we made it home safe, and he offered to come watch the kids so I could nap. He showed up with flowers, let me nap and then run to the store alone, was open and affectionate ALL DAY LONG--he took the entire day off to spend with us. The kids loved it, and though I felt some reservation, I enjoyed it too. I mean, I've only been starving for this treatment for years now.
Last night we talked for a long time. He looked me in the eye and seemed to really open up, held me and said he feels ready to move home now. And he stayed the night.
Today I am feeling guardedly happy. There is the possibility he is playing me--though there was a lot more openness last night than there has been in years. But the possibility that he is willing and ready to come back to our family is something I can't slam the door on. I told him, "this is the last chance, don't hurt me again". I really want this.
It can't hurt to sit back and see if his actions continue. I'm still planning to keep my appointments next week.
Thanks for checking up on me ya'll.