That was the only information I had on people pleasers. If I find anything else, I'll be sure to let you know.
As an idea of issues to address, and I stress this is just my opinion, I would probably just take ONE characteristic below and work on it. Maybe ask CAC4 is he has an opinion on which one to work on first? or even a close friend?
FWIW I think they may look like simple little characteristics but I am sure they are deeply ingrained and not changed overnight. I would see a combination of using CBT and recognizing the FOO issues that fed these beliefs to begin.
#2 is an interesting one because it might help your relationship. What if you didn't hear criticisms from cac4 as facts which create your self-esteem deflation which feeds your anxiety which creates the conflict which causes cac4 to withdraw? Whew!
Not that cac4 is off the hook. If he doesn't apologize to you, then you get anxious and create conflict which he avoids which creates more anxiety for you. If he could learn to apologize without feeling like it makes him "a bad person," then you would feel less anxiety. Of course again it's his family that established the issue with not being able to apologize but he needs to feel safe with you that an apology won't put in in a weakened state as it would have with his parent.
Characteristics of People Pleasers: 1. People Pleasers rarely consider their own needs, wants, and desires.
2. People Pleasers take any criticism as fact, and immediately suffer a deflation in their own self-esteem.
3. People Pleasers feel an extraordinary fear of abandonment.
4. People Pleasers blame themselves for everything that ever goes wrong.
5. People Pleasers are more concerned with others' feelings than their own.
6. People Pleasers have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, expecting of themselves magical abilities to fix the significant others' in their lives.
7. People Pleasers learned early in their lives to bury their own feelings, needs, and wants, and keep them buried until they get help for their problems.
8. People Pleasers chronically confuse pity with love and self-sacrifice with caring for others.[b][/b]
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
