You guys make me smile sooooo much. Thanks Cog and Cissy...
Actually my H has beem gone since Monday he went to work in Indianapolis.
And I wanted to get busy before he left but it is amazing how since I have been more FORWARD he has not. And I do miss posting but right now we do not have internet...hopefully soon we will get it back~
I came over to my brothers house and my kids are playing with my Nephew.
I am thankfully posting.
I must say things are going well,,, it is as of the time he was away he grew up alot. CALMED DOWN AND REALIZED HOW MUCH I MEAN TO HIM.
I am actually having to do a lot of adjusting.
Examples...
He calls me frequently like pre bomb days..
He cooked Dinner for me before he left and he had to drive 6 hours @ 9 pm that nite. ( he has never done this<i always had to make an elaborate meal for him)
He is being not so controlling of my time and me. 180 for him.
He called yesterday and when I answered he asked " WHO'S YOUR DADDY?"
( HE USED TO SILLY LIKE THAT DAILY PRE BOMB) It made me smile.
We were watching Movies ( while he was here ) and if you would have looked at us it was like we were one person he was holdimg my hand and he had his head resting in mine, and his legs on my lap. ( human pretzel)
.....and so much more that I often wonder what happened to the chip he seemed to have on his shoulder, and who is this more vulnerable, softer, more humble,more loving Man?

When he left ...
I was laying on our bed because I was getting a little anxious and just watching him look at directions on the internet for his traveling later. Just looking at him calmed me down and then he did something that melted my heart... he came over by me and he lay his head on my chest and just lay there for awhile.. I wanted to cry. ( but did not)

The last time he went out and he arrived at an un- God Like hour I had a small talk with him about it. So the next time he went out with the "guys" he called me on his way home and when I asked why he was calling he said " cause I missed you! "
And this time he was home by 1:30 am.. much better~
I am doing really well you all and I do so feel special when I check the forum today to see how others are doing and you all have left ME messages~ thank you sooo much you guys are such a blessing in my life. Really God bless you all.

I have to say I am again reading Passionate Marriage and I am learning more.
I have realized that the more I love me and the more " independent" I become the better my R becomes....
And funny since I have unleashed my inner " vixen" my H has been turning me down a lot and it is ok cause when we ML then it has been real Passionate,,, I explained this to him that " see how hot it becomes when you let it ( sex) happen and ( sex ) come to you and really feel it ( sex) ?"
" It becomes so much more than sex it feels so good~"
He agreed.

I feel very serene lately and have been quietly lately crying tears of Joy and enjoying all my hard work,,, but make no mistake I do feel like I am done. I must continue to work hard and grow as a Woman.... What I like is now I am not scared to enjoy this. I am not afraid the other shoe is going to fall or he is F*ing with my heart right now,, it feels genuine. It seems like before we were always in love but I just couldn't get it right ( and neither could he BTW) and now it seems like we are working together towards the same Goal and it feel so beautiful. I have not felt this good in Forever really. And I see now that I have been standing in my own way most of the time for many , many years. I was feeling not good enough ABOUT ME to allow myself to be Happy and love myself and respect myself. And enjoy what was right before me, right in front of me!~
Thank God I opened my eyes... Life is good and I can only control me and I needed to allow myself to love and live. I was working so hard for everyone and for tommorrow instead of rejoicing in Today~ and in Myself.
God bless...