Looking Up

[Heywyre]

Ok another stupid question and I can feel the 2x4's already

H and I have had some "heated conversations" regarding him checking up on the OW since the A - she was an escort (and I presume still is) and he thought he thought he could "help her" get away from "that" - whatever

Anyway, he has this thing about keep checking the local paper where we used to live to see if her ad is still in there. He isn't very good with the computer so he hasn't been able to search around and locate her (although I did - ad, website and all - however he doesn't know that)

So, he thinks he was successful, to some degree, if he doesn't find her ad but he still wants to keep looking every once in a while. He has this grand idea that she really needed him and he let her down, blah blah blah

The question: should I let him know that she is still "working" and perhaps that would deflate his "oh but look how I helped her" attitude?

[COG]

Heywyre,

A bunch of kick boxers on TV beating the crap out of each other doesn't do anything for me.

Well just use your imagination. Put different faces on the fighters and feel your face light up watching ??? get the crap beat out of her/him.

hmmm maybe I should dress up for the occassion and see what kind of reaction I get from the other guys

Oh you hottie you! Yep, I think something subtle yet sexy, and a little flirting might just create a little intrigue. Not too much sexy and flirting though. Just the right amount.

COG

[Heywyre]

Hmmm the putting different faces on the kick boxers would be a good idea IF the women were allowed to watch, which we aren't

But I will go with the subtle but sexy look and some but not a lot of flirting

[COG]

Heywyre,

The question: should I let him know that she is still "working" and perhaps that would deflate his "oh but look how I helped her" attitude?

KEEP YOUR MOUTH CLOSED AND STAY AWAY FROM THE FIRE. He's in dream land, let him dream. He's 62, she's 25, he's out of money, she's not interested. Let it go. If he's unfaithful again, then deal with it if it happens. Until then, forgive, and TRUST!

God Bless,

COG

[Heywyre]

but that's just it - he's NOT out of money and she IS still interested (its just the 3 hour drive each way that is holding him back) and I am sure if she lived closer he would still be seeing her I think that "pull" to see her and confirm his thoughts about her is still there - I can't help thinking about it

Ya, ya, I know I am starting to obsess again

[COG]

Hey,

First, YES, you are obsessing so just knock it off.

but that's just it - he's NOT out of money and she IS still interested

Well here's something to argue/think about. He should have his own account so he's not spending YOUR money on anyone else but YOU.

I think that "pull" to see her and confirm his thoughts about her is still there

My guess is that you are probably right about that. But those thoughts/feelings will dissolve over time. He knows the right thing to do is be with YOU! Don't make him second guess that. Instead let your actions reassure him that he made the right choice. But hammer his ass if he ever screws you over again!

Love,

COG

[Heywyre]

Ok, ok - I'm taking a deep breath here

I know you are right but I still have to convince myself of that. After all, if a guy is having problems sexually and he can get a hot babe to satisfy him, why would he bother coming home to the old wife?

[COG]

Hey,

After all, if a guy is having problems sexually and he can get a hot babe to satisfy him, why would he bother coming home to the old wife?

Well, maybe we need a new vision of ourselves. Maybe if we see ourselves as "the old wife" "the old H", then we'll be "the old...." Men are visual creatures. We see a hot babe and we can drop everything, take ten minutes, have sex with her, not know her name, not care what her name is, not care if we ever see her again, then pull up our pants and get back to painting the barn. That's how we're constructed. Now I don't know your particular sitch. But the more YOU can do to become visually different, maybe that might help get some attention. But just know, that he'll probably be visually stimulated by other women, it's just a fact of life. That does'nt mean he's going to make the choice to be with OW. He loves you, he wants to be with YOU! Don't let that fact get buried underneath your anxiety, anger, resentment, and selfishness.

OK, now chill out!

Love,

COG

[Heywyre]

You're right - as usual

I have to remember he is here, with me and not with someone else right? There has to be a reason for that and its because I am the better choice all around. Yes, I have some mileage on me but I can look at that negatively and say "the old wife" or I can say "but look at the experience I have and how I can please you" - if he would only let me

Ok - I have to get off this jag and start thinking positively

Thanks COG - you are a gem as usual

[COG]

Hey,

Yes, I have some mileage on me but I can look at that negatively and say "the old wife" or I can say "but look at the experience I have and how I can please you"

Well, you're gettin there but how about this:

Yes, I've got some experience, but I'MMMMM HOTTTT! Remember Bugs Life "Look at my beautiful wings"! It sounds like you're a little dissatisfied with your bod? "but look at the experience I have and how I can please you"..... "but look at this cleavage and and how I can please you" I say if you're out of shape, then work hard on trimming down, and working out. Then go to the tanning booth and get some color. Get a different doo, some new threads, and a new hot to trot attitude!

Now you GO girl!

Love,

COG