Whew...what a great week thus far! For the first time in a LONG time I am actually LOOKING forward to the weekend.
I had my IC last night and my therapist said, after I had recapped the past weeks grusome events, that I seemed to be in a much better place mentally now - that I seemed relieved and resolved. WOW! We talked about quieting your thoughts and taking the time to really think things through before bringing them to the table to discuss them (is it really necessary etc). I talked to her about the moodswing comments from our MC appt and she thinks that it is more of a learned behavior from my past (my family is all or nothing - I've been disowned twice thus far in my 37 years...oh, I'm back to being semi-owned now...not sure I was every fully?)
Anyways, she feels, until we look at it further next week, that she's leaning more towards learned behavior than a chemical reasoning. She said the steps that I take between now and then will also help in figuring that all out (ie, how my thought pattern/behavior pattern is this coming week). A good suggestion she had: Put those little dots (the sticky kind) around places that you normally start/continue talks with your spouse - it will serve as a reminder to make you AWARE of where you are in your thought patterns (she suggested bathroom mirror, rearview mirror of the car, computer monitor at work etc).
So I picked up the field tripers late last night and my attitude was so good I almost didn't believe it. They (hubs and daughter) were so wiped out from walking all day that they were both mildly cranky, but I just kept keeping on (got a nice hug and kiss first thing).... We got home and got ready for bed...hubs put his hand on my leg and I kissed his shoulder and said I missed ya today. He patted my leg and said I missed you too (ok...so this is a positive since he isn't repeating the ILY's which I haven't said in a day or two). I was upbeat again this morning and just had a great/light/flirty email with him about this weekend.
My observations: In the past 2 days he's called me 'baby' a million times. While this isn't uncommon, it seems to me he's really putting forth effort to try. He also called me today by my pet name only him and my best friend call me. Right after the bomb when we were first working on coming back he did it alot - I think it's trying to get himself back to that place that we first started (in the beginning of the relationship that's all he called me). I don't think it's being fake, maybe a little forced, but so is my smiley-assed attitude when I really feel like yuck inside. I'm going to give him credit for this one.
I was going to test the waters by bringing up some stuff that the counsler suggested this weekend, but I think I'm going to wait. We don't have the kids this weekend, plan to do yard work and the weather is suppose to be cool, so I'll take advantage of that and have a fire outside while in the hot tub....why mess up THAT kind of MOJO?
OH! I did mention to IC that I was active on this website forum - she was like "OHHH...Michelle is SO good!!".
