If the first one was unresolved they will have another one....why do you think this is MLC....my H had a QLC at 30...2 EA's one PA, same MLC behaviors.....his mothers death yanked him out before he was done...so now we have a grand daddy MLC..I am just curious
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Well, H turned 40 in June. four kids...13,11,5,1....very self absorbed. spending lots of money. taking no responsibility for his family..blah,blah, blah
Cause?? The baby I think...H has told me more than once that the only reason he had another was to make me happy...WTF...you don't want another child don't have one!! He is going to pay CS until he is 58.
Now that I think of it...H left xw when he was 30!
Who knows...I am beginning to think he is not a family man...H's dad is on his 6th>>>this is not a typo>>> SIXTH marriage! H's mom has been married a second time for 25 yrs now....maybe I am like his mom and he is unfortunately like his father. I have said this to H...and BOY O BOY does it strike a nerve!
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
H has told me more than once that the only reason he had another was to make me happy..
Our H really are twins! My H told me that they only reason he agreed to have S3 was because he thought it would bring us closer together other wise he wouldn't of had him. Isn't that nice? I hope my S3 never hears him say that.
UGH! I just wrote you a bunch of stuff and then got kicked out...waaaaaah
Anyway, I was just catching up on your sitch and feel just heart-broken for you. It got me thinking about our H's past...my H's father is on his 4th marriage and his mother just now got remarried...my H told me one time that he feels like can't fight the way he was raised anymore...it's like he's blaming his childhood for his irresponsible behaviors. Also, my H was never married before, but before we got married, we had broken up for a while and he moved out of state...he then started dating this other girl and eventually he started calling me again. From what he told me, they never officially broke up, they just kind of stopped talking. It has made me wonder if this is really true or if he just didn't have the balls to break up with her kind of like what he is doing to me now. Is he the type who just bounces from R to R because he doesn't know how to "work" on one and he's always looking for the "honeymoon" period.
These are the kind of questions I was asking myself on one of my previous threads, "MLC or just pattern of coping". Sometimes, I just wonder if H is truly in MLC or if this is just his personality...this is how he handles situations...when things get tough, the tough get going.
I think to many people that come from broken homes ( in my case my H)don't really know how (b/c they didn't see) to work on M/R's. What they saw was the two people they trusted the most giving up, and guess what they've decided to teach their kids. I don't know that it really matters if it's MLC or a coping mechanism, they're still "broken". The question is how badly do they want to fix themselves.
The question is how badly do they want to fix themselves.
I totally agree Grace...I also worry that even if my H were to come back and say he wants to work on M...I will have major trust issues knowing that his problem goes way deeper than MLC or OW...every time he gets stressed or depressed, he's gone...to me, this is more like a pattern than MLC and I don't know if this is a pattern I want to live with. Don't get me wrong, I am here because I have seen behaviors from him that are different from the past and definite clues he is going through a crisis, but what will our future hold if he can't resolve his childhood issues?
Let's say (for the sake of argument) that he can't. Let's also say he's willing to acknowledge these issues and deal with you with all his cards on the table. That there could be enough trust between you that when any of these things came up, either of you could kindly point it out. That you both would look at what each of you could do to make the R stonger and move in a positive direction. Would this be enough?
