It's OK. Remember grief is cyclical: anger, sadness, denial, bargaining. And until this situation is resolved these feelings will keep coming up. It's OK. I found a Catholic Church near my office that's always open. Somtimes when things get so tough, I go there to cry. There are times I feel like ruining the OM's career and telling his wife. There are times when I felt that a tragic car accident involving my wife and OM would be the only thing to give me peace.
What you are feeling is OK. It's not supposed to be easy.
And yes, your wife is beautiful. Mine is too. I pray over her. I touch her pillow with my hand and ask God's Holy Spirit to flood her with joy, peace and truth.
Hosea was an Old Testament prophet. He was asked by God to marry a woman who would be unfaithful to him, this way the prophet could feel in his heart what God felt about Israel's apostasy and spiritual infidelity (idolatry). God said this about Israel:
6 Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.
7 She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.
A very wise 72 year old woman gave me this prayer for my marriage. I pray it almost daily. Pray for a "hedge of thorns" around your wife, and one around the doctor. Thorns are painful. Ask God for a severe mercy: that the closer they get the more painful it will get for them.
By the way, the catcher's gear thing was freaking brilliant!!! I think that deserves a medal. Laughter is a gift to both of you.
Stating your boundaries is good. You are not a doormat, at least not a total one ;-). It's OK. You can't make her do anything, but you can state your desires.
Once you get over your fear of losing her, you will cease to be a doormat. One you realize that you don't need her, you will begin to bcome more creative in your DB efforts. It's the fear of loss that created tension for me.
Remember, if your wife is in an affair, most of your DB efforts will be more focused on two things: 1. Do no harm (don't chase her) and 2. Your transformation into a joyful, purposeful, fun, attractive, warrior-like man who is very attractive.
Even if you turned into beefcake/cassanova/superman overnight, if your wife's still in love with the piece of sh#t doctor, she might notice the changes, but will still be in her romantic fog and yawn at you. You're fighting the bio-chemisty of new love with all it's endorphin and adrenaline boosts. My wife more ore less told me this. She said once, "Even if you became this amazing guy who is capable of emotional intimacy and really respects me, right now I'm not that interested in you." She was in the middle of her affair and she simply couldn't SEE me. Remember YOU can't break up the affair. It has to collapse of it's own accord. Most affairs, once they are physical, last about 6 months. You're in for a long ride, dude. But your wife is worth it.
