Well I need to start doing the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. To be honest I do not know if I have the strength to do it. I have known for awhile that I need to grieve the loss of my M. The M that I once knew is no more. That is not to say that my M doesn't have a chance. It will be either better then it once was or not at all. Living with my GW makes this really hard. She still is in the same bed with me and under the same roof. But she nolonger or atleast at this moment has anything in her tank for me. I am not sure I can move past this loss while still living with all the great memories. I will not leave, my girls need their daddy. But emotionally I am a mess. I put on a strong mask in front of my wife, but inside I am dieing a slow painful death. It is like some stuck a dagger into my heart and left it there. I pray daily that God will take my burden from me because it is to much for me to bear. I can honestly say that I know what it feels like to lose a spouse. I actually think if she had passed away it would be easier to deal with...... Sorry I am hurting bad this morning.
As you can tell I am not doing so well this morning. I really hope as the day goes on my mood will pickup, who knows. I do go see my counseler tonight, but I really do not know how much help she is providing me. She has helped abit. Maybe she can tell me why I take on a different personality with my wife and become a doormat.
