Well if H sees you enjoying your "sweats day" then I would just say that I planned on "casual Wednesday, sorry you missed the memo!"
I do hope you research for yourself some of the meds your taking...and definitely not taking two at time the first go around...not a good idea with new meds...I only copied a few things down on Lorazapam, there is much much more on just that one...it is sad to say but sometimes doctors don't always prescribe wisely...there are plenty of examples of entertainers that overdosed on mixtures of legally prescribed medications...and doctors are required to carry medical malpractice insurance for a reason...they are not perfect...when I am prescribed anything new I totally read all the fine print that comes with it...if I don't get the information handed to me I will ask the pharmacist for it or I will look it up online...a few times I have found that what I was prescribed was not the best thing to use for my condition...so please do your homework...you have to take care of YOU...
Also, try and avoid naps during the day...these will mess with your ability to sleep at night causing a vicious circle with the sleeping pills and such to keep on...you need to force your way through a few days of eating a light dinner, taking a warm bath, drinking an herbal tea or warm milk, reading something funny or light (I did cook books, lol), then at a set time turn out the lights....focus on your breathing, your heart beating, inhale through your nose, exhale with cheeks puffed through your mouth, think pleasant thoughts...imagine the sunshining on you and feeling all warm...imagine taking a walk and noticing all the little things...remember back to when you were five or six and what you liked to do after you got home from school...think about old friends you haven't seen and wonder what they are doing...just let your thoughts wonder but REFUSE any about H, R, M, OW, or work!!!
Avoid personal discussions or confrontations for now
Don't question when you do see H
Accept his answers as he states them without requestioning
Don't assume anything and don't ask
Smile
Listen
Be pleasant
Don't be too available
Turn down invitations on occassion
Mind your business and let him mind his
Have a daily plan before you leave the house
Make sure to do something that you enjoy even if it is just stopping to smell the roses, at least 3 times a day
If you start obsessing about H, STOP, redirect thoughts to something else, focus on the ants, anything
Don't drive by OW's house, job sites, or anywhere else looking for H's car...he might see you and that wouldn't be good
Stop snooping
Think about handing over H's bills and personal things for him to take care of, giving you more time for YOU
Don't "stage" the office...i.e. leave mail in his chair so you can tell if he as sat down
1210!!!!!! I've so missed you kicking my A**!! I'm glad you're on the road to recovery and am sorry you got so sick. Looking forward to hearing more from you when you're better.
As always, Lin, thank you for the wonderful advice. The lists really help me because I have everything all concise in one place.
Am exhausted tonight for some reason so will keep this short. Worked hard on having an upbeat evening. H did leave me a voicemail on my phone later this afternoon, but I didn't get it until maybe 6pm or so. I decided not to call back nor to return his e-mail yet. So, I'm wondering, what should I do? He was already gone from the office by the time I arrived there, so I didn't see him, so still no contact yet. In his phone message today, he seemed so cold and distant... I'm worried that this new independence of mine has him angry??? I don't want to push him further into her arms... Am I going too far with this? I'm just trying not to jump all over his calls/e-mails like I used to, but I feel like he's pulling AWAY from me because of it... Is that what's supposed to happen???? I almost feel "hate" in his voice....
Maybe I should just send him a quick reply to his e-mail to let him know that I received it and have a few things to go over with him and see if he has time to have a meeting tomorrow? Or no? The things I have to talk to him about would be impossible to do via e-mail, but I suppose it could be via phone rather than in person... I don't know. Thoughts?
Sorry I couldn't answer you earlier. I look at work but can't get on to answer you. The doctor put me on 150 mg Time release for a week than up to 300mg. After taking the 300 (once a day) it was way to much. I had the shakes like you described and Like I told you I was like a caged animal and felt like I could almost kill something. I didn't like the feeling and felt like it was intensifying the problem of anxiety. I called and we went back to 150 (once aday) and after a month and a half or so I started one week feeling the same way again so i am taking 75 mg once a day Time release. I know everyone is different but your description of what you are going thru really sounds like me. It is hard not really knowing you but I can tell you I wasn't taking any thing else and I knew I had to change something. Like ImLIn said Pills don't cure anything. We have to figure it out and help ourselves. I feel so much better than I did so just think there is hope. I still feel bad when I assume H should do something for me but I am realizing alittle at a time that's not how it works. Its great you relaxed enough to wear your sweats and be you. Who cares what they think.(we used to, but we are on a mending phase for us) OK?
Maybe if you and I set some goals together it would help. 1. We are not going to obsess about the H and OW ( no spying,) The hardest for me is asking questions how was dinner or what did you do last night. ( i know that s not right but i'm working on it 2. Do something for ourselves. ( tell me tomorrow what you did)
Thats 2 to start lets see what tomorrow brings.
I am an only child so you guys have been a god send for me to talk to you. My H family is big and my sils really help me and also my H brothers are very good to me.
I agree with ImLin that you shouldn't take a sleeping pill at 5:30 in the morning. If you can get up and do some exercise. I do that some times if I can't sleep or try to catch up on house work or read til time to go to work. I sometimes have a glass of wine in the evenings to help relax me.
READY to make some progress? ITs late so I will talk to you tomorrow. Hope you get a good night sleep. Keep building we are on a mission to GAL.
I wondered what had happened. Are you doing OK? We have missed you!!!! Our thoughts are with you and now you have have time to really get us all that great advice we have been missing.... Hurry and get Better...........
Tam...if the information he needs or you have is time sensitive then by all means call and discuss it...then you end the call...no asking "how are you"..."where have you been"..."haven't seen you in a while"..."what's up with you"
He might be angry, he might be confused, he might be trying to flush you out of the bushes too...it is OK for him to feel left out of your loop...it is even ok for him to feel a little rejected by you...after all isn't that what he has done to you???Let's not forget that when our S's decided to have an A (if they did)that initially we were hurt and angry...we might have wanted to walk away right then and there...I know my first reaction was "I am filing for divorce, you gave me grounds."...then after a cooling off we start to "THINK"...he needs to feel emotions before he can start to "THINK"...so let him be...it may appear that this will make him closer to OW but in reality it will allow him to look at her as he should....a BandAide....
Also...I know some of us have a glass of wine to relax...I purposely didn't mention this as a relaxation tool for you because you are taking so many different medications...all that can be effected by alcohol and I am afraid that even one glass or one drink casually at dinner might be a bad mix for you...for now stick to warm milk and decaf teas...avoid caffiene especially later in the day as this can also effect your ability to wind down...even if it didn't before...just your emotional state now and/or the medications your taking could be making you hypersensitive to caffiene or any other stimulants/stimulation...so for now, work on self relaxation methods...focus on positive things...work on blocking negative things out...
I even quit watching the news and reading the news paper because there was just too much sadness in all of it...and I had enough of my own...
Well, I ended up calling H this morning a little before 9. It went to his voicemail, so I just left a message letting him know that I was returning his call and e-mail from yesterday and that I had some things to go over with him, too, and to call me back so that we could schedule a time to talk. And then I just said something like "I hope you're having a nice day." That was it. Hopefully that was okay...
He hasn't called me back yet... I'm at the job site waiting for an appointment. I HAVE to drive right by the other job site to get to this job site, and his car is at the other job site. I have to go over to that site to finish up this appointment, but I promise not to seek him out. If he finds me while I'm there, great. If not, I'll just leave (this is sooooo hard...).
Quote:
he might be trying to flush you out of the bushes too
What does this mean, Lin?
Thanks for the advice about the wine, Lin. I actually don't like wine and don't drink that much. I'll be sure to be careful when/if I do drink. Thanks for taking such good care of me!
I need help on something... I really want to know if H told his brother and the other guys on the job site what is going on with us when he just disappeared. I feel awkward around them and really want to know. Is it okay to ask H if he told his brother or anyone else on the job site what is going on? (I promise I won't get into any other discussion...) I just feel sick to my stomach in thinking that he might have started to tell people. I don't know what other excuse he might have given for disappearing - without me. The guys didn't say anything to me when I was there, but I just feel weird. H told me that I could tell whoever I wanted but that he would ask me to let him know so that he is aware, so it's only fair that it go the other way, too, right?
Am hanging in there today, but feeling sick to my stomach. Am working hard to push the negative thoughts out of my mind and replace them with positives. I just keep thinking that I want my life back... I want to ENJOY my work so badly; I want to enjoy being around H and have him be his old self around me; I want to see the projects that he's looking at; etc. I know the only way I can hope to get those things is if I let go for now, and that just hurts so much.... I miss him.
I'm glad you're on the road to recovery and am sorry you got so sick. Looking forward to hearing more from you when you're better.