Seems like a long time....

[Heywyre]

NC - you sound like you are in the same place I was/am

I feel like I am living with my roommate also, the only difference is (as far as I know) there is no contact with the OW at this point. However, I am no expert but I have to tell you, if there is any contact whatsoever with the OM in your sitch, then you are definitely not piecing. As far as I am concerned, both people have to be committed to rebuilding the relationship. I know they can't get over the OP instantly and it takes time for those emotions to get out of their system but as long as she continues to have any type of contact with him, the emotion, feelings and pull are still there. That is my guess as to why she is still very distant and like a roommate, the connection is still with him. Unless she can 100% separate from him and start putting the effort into her M and YOU - forget it, it will never work. That's just my opinion but I am sure there are others on here that would totally agree with me

In the meantime, you need to start concentrating on YOU. That's what I have finally done and it seems to be getting some reaction from my H.

It will take time but your sitch still sounds really strained after all this time . And trust me, I know what it feels like to be living with a spouse roommate - its been going on in this house for about 10 years now (no kidding!!) The only difference between you and me is at least you are getting "some"