On your R goals - I'm glad you liked the idea. I stole it from this $500 "marriage fitness" plan I never should've spent money on because it hasn't been worth it, but that part was a good idea I thought!
The main point there is to NOT think of it in terms of your life as it is now. Think about the "perfect" M/R. Then later you recognize that perfection is impossible and "tweak" it to fit you and your life. But just for fun, why not write out the perfect H and the perfect R?? Doesn't mean it will HAPPEN, just your personal ideal. make sense??
And no you don't discourage me at all!!! I just feel like (sorry if I'm way off base) you're missing something that you really need in your life. And I sooo appreciate all your help, and I want YOU to end up happy too, you know?? Not just "moving on" but really happy.
Thanks as always for keeping up w/me.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
thank you too Nikki, and your welcome. I do want to be happy. I'm definitely happier than before, but not where I want to be for sure.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe things happened too fast for me, that it didn't force me, like it has so much you, to really work on myself. With kids it's just sooo hard. They really need to come first, but I know I have to put myself up there too.
I actually wrote out a perfect H list a long time ago. When I thought that H was never going to come back to me. It actually made me feel better making that list and having faith that God was going to give me that person, well, someone close anyways. I guess I can't expect everything to just be perfect. It's just hard when you can't express your religious feelings without feeling like your going to offend your H, or make him feel uncomfortable. Religion is a big part of my life, and it's NO part of his, so there's always going to be a gap in our R.
I never spent $500, but I did pay the 300-400 for the DB counselling. I still have one session left to use, they said it never expires, so that's cool. H doesn't know I did that either, but it definitey helped me talk thru my problem with someone with education and from her site especially. I did feel that he was "going by the book" a lot, but it was still worth it I think.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
not a good weekend for the nerves. Both of us in bad moods...mine pms and back killing me. So my attitude probably rubbed off on everyone. Kids yelling, not minding, H aggrevated to extreme.
He got to play golf today, so hopefully things will calm down and I'm not so irritable today.
Tomorrow is a new day!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
today definitely tried my patience. Definitely need more of it!
I've been TRYING to get my s2 potty trained. He'll be 3 in a month. I've been halfway trying all year..his whole 2nd year of life that is. It's realy been my fault, cause I wasn't consistant enough, but when your back always hurts, some days more than others, you just can't be consistant.
Soooo, the last two days I've really been pushing. he's gotten better, but I'm gonna be washing a lot of clothes. I told him no more diapers during the day. So it's been fun.
Well, I also have realized that I'm WAY WAY behind on GALing. I have done absolutely nothing for myself besides playing the keyboard for church, and getting on this website. I just wish so much that my back was better, and I could roller blade, or take s2 to the park, or meet some people or something.
Today was a day to feel pitiful and think why can't things ever be easy for me. But as soon as I think that, it's gonna get WAY harder and then I'll be wishing for what I had before! Doesn't that always happen?
I do know that things are sooo much easier now than last year, but it's easy to dwell on the problems of today.
Can't wait till the PMSing is gone!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
When I get down, and that's a lot of the time, I just think back a couple of months and how I felt and I can't believe that I have actually progressed but I have. The (2nd) bomb hit just before Christmas so while everyone was having a fun ole time, we were as miserable as crap. But when one of us is down, we remind the other to think of how we felt at Christmas time and then we realize, yes, we still have a long long way to go but we have also come a long long way
Keep your chin up sweetheart - it does get better and you have a precious little one to be grateful for too (boys are always harder to potty train - just in case you didn't know. My gf's little guy wasn't potty trained until he was over 4 - and my little girl (yes girl) wasn't until 3� - the kicker with her is she wanted to go to play school and I told her they didn't allow kids with diapers - that did it!)
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
But wanted to offer you some hugs. Hope the PMSing is gone soon, and of course always hoping your back feels better.
Hmmmm on the GALing - any thoughts on things you can do that you enjoy but are OK on your back? I'll try to think about it too.
You're doing really, really well - just gotta figure out how to get that little extra bit of inspiration going and I think you'll feel soooo good.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Well, I also have realized that I'm WAY WAY behind on GALing. I have done absolutely nothing for myself besides playing the keyboard for church, and getting on this website. I just wish so much that my back was better, and I could roller blade, or take s2 to the park, or meet some people or something.
Today was a day to feel pitiful and think why can't things ever be easy for me. But as soon as I think that, it's gonna get WAY harder and then I'll be wishing for what I had before! Doesn't that always happen?
Thinking & praying for you, sweetie
Thanks for joining my thread - it REALLY means loads to me
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Thank you Heywyre...wow, 4 years old? that would be rough. With my first son, it took 2 months, so this is driving me crazy. He's doing okay, even told me twice at Walmart he had to go and did. But then he'll go in his underwear just minutes after going on the potty. oh well, i just have to be patient.
Hey Nikki, thanks for the post. Hope your trip went awesome. We are actually going to plan a trip just the two of us for sometime this year, so I think that will help. Thank you for trying to figure out some GALing ideas. ones that don't really cost would be best!
I tried to do some relaxation today..my back was really hurting after a lot of walking with H at store yest and taking kids to easter egg hunt today. And it did help, luckily my s8 was gone and s2 was asleep by me, and H was cleaning the house. very nice.
Confident_Me, thanks for the post and for the prayers! I will take them anytime! Although I would really love a prayer for my H. I'm really really hoping he will come to Easter service with us. I'm not sure if I should ask or not. I'm afraid of the answer. Since the A, he hasn't gone once. He would actually go maybe once a year before that, like on a holiday. He even told me at a pre-marriage retreat that he would go sometimes, and also said a year ago when football season was over he would go sometime. I'm trying not to force him or even bring it up because I used to do that in the past and then be depressed when he wouldn't want to go. So now I don't really know what to do.
One thing comes to mind about the "Act As If". But I feel like I should just let him choose to go if he wants. He already knows we want him to go, but maybe I should just say. "We'd love for you to come with us if you want to" . I don't know.
Thanks everyone!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
May this Resurrection Sunday be the day that you have resurrection and reconcilation in your marriage. What appears to be dead, will come back to life again!
Jesus Christ is alive! He lives and He holds your future!!
Because He lives...We will wait for the resurrection of thousands of prodigal spouses and children coming home to our Lord each week!
Quote:
One thing comes to mind about the "Act As If". But I feel like I should just let him choose to go if he wants. He already knows we want him to go, but maybe I should just say. "We'd love for you to come with us if you want to" . I don't know.
Would any harm be done in suggesting to your H that it would be "nice" to have him come along...??
