gonna need more than mysterious now.....

[25yearsmlc]

K,

Don't you dare stay home! Is this your Florida trip? No ow, but will you have to see H? Look, just using my trip last year as an example. I know Italy costs a lot (not for Europe) and it is not necessary to go all that far. But try HARD to go somewhere you never visited before and that will be of great interest to you. I think the trip I took to Florence with the kids was the best thing I ever did for myself, and us. Got my mind off H, our M, and had a really good time with my kids. It seemed to cheer us all up and was a turning point. It "proved" we could still laugh and have fun and be "together", just us. "WE" were/are a family whether H was there or not. Could have been like H was at work. No matter. We now have so many memories together, and we've started to share them with H...no longer awkward for him to hear although he did say he wants to take me somewhere I have not gone before. If I recall correctly, Upstate New York has some places, Quebec is like Europe for half the price, btw. You might want to ask the older girls for their input. D18 and I planned the trip and so many nights spent on the trip, instead of obsessing, was such a blessing. Just made us all look forward to something and it was OURS...make sense?

Okay. 4 steps forward, 1-2 backwards...You are still moving forward K. Get your mind off that alien asap. You are a beautiful woman, you are smart, you like sex (that itself should be enough, right?), you like kids even when they're not your own, and you have a sense of humor. And you aren't wrinkled or stinky. Your H's choice to "love" someone else is HIS problem. Yes it hurt. But it does not have to do with you. A workshop (called Essential Experience, btw--best emotional work and most breakthroughs ever for me, H and I went together, later, and got some tools for handling what is going on with us now-who knew?--on and it helped us, I think it's still on the east coast as I helped form the group in Philadelphia, they have a website...anyhow--no, I don't get a commission and I am not recruiting!!)----wth??

ANYWAY---I met a very striking woman there, who projected a deep mourning sense of sadness. Turns out her h had left her and she wasn't moving forward. She was, in short, "stuck." The REAL fear she had was that if indeed she was such a good catch, why on earth would a man who knows her and once loved her, stop? Did that mean she was not worthy of love? Did it mean she would never experience it again? Did it mean their life together was an illusion? ALL of us have had those fears in some or all forms.

I got to know her. She was a cool artistic, very kind woman and became a good friend. Here's the deal. Her H f----- up. I mean, she WAS a great pkg and he just threw it away. Like hating a beautiful piece of jewelry is a matter of taste? I don't know. All I know is that she was exactly who we thought she was, and it was HIS perception that was off AND/OR just a stupid weak choice of his. Can't say. Can only help her know that her life was not an illusion, she indeed IS lovable, and would come to love again.

Same for you K, and MrsH. Your pain is deep but it is not fatal, and it is Not eternal. Each day that passes, you are one day closer to the healing being completed. Keep going.
j-