Preparing for the end game, maybe.

[LoginName]

Well, I think we're getting close to a decision. No, I think the decisions been made. She will go to AR with D. I think s and I will stay here. We will try to visit each other often. Maybe she'll miss me and want me to come out there, maybe not.

The last MC session was good but lacking. The MC praised me for how strong I've been, how most men couldn't have done what I did. I brought up some of my fears; that I wouldn't see my d enough, that W would decide she didn't want me, and so why should I go to AR. Because of what my s had said to us earlier (that he might want to go to AR) my W was willing to say she wanted me in AR. I felt she was once again saying what the MC and others wanted her to say and not what she really felt. I pressed her after the session and she admitted as much. She wants to live without me and see if she misses me. I think she wants to be independent. It's not really about me, but it is rejection and it still hurts (not as much as I feared it would).

So we've got a few, maybe 3 months, before she and d are gone. She will probably take a few house hunting trips and such before that too. I've got to get strong and be ready for this.

Meanwhile, we are getting along pretty well. I'm spending quality time with d; bike rides, games, talking, etc. As a family, we are having fun, and good times. Building memories.

I think we've got a slightly better than 50-50 chance that we will make it (51-49?). I have hope, but it will take time. I think I could almost move to peicing in a way. But it doesn't matter. The plan is still the same. Back off, give her space, detach, GAL, PMA. It still works. Maybe I'll be doing it for the rest of our M, if it lasts.

By the way, the MC also praised my W for what she has done. She is going through huge changes. She started out doing it the chicken sh!t way (actual words of MC)by leaving and having an A, now she is doing it the right way. She had the strength to come back home. She faced the scarlet letter, and even though almost all of it was in her own head, the condemnation of friends and family. She came back. She has gone to MC. She has been making an effort to communicate. She is trying hard to be honest. She has broken out of the prison (she had built for herself) and is going to be better for it.

I hope she decides she wants me in her life. I hope she decides that before I lose patience and move on. How long can I live without the affection and love that all humans need? When will I decide, if ever, that she really isn't all that anyway and I can do better? What if she finds someone else? (I don't think she is looking, or plans or looking, but people meet people. If we were in a strong R, she might be tempted. The way things are now, why wouldn't she be really tempted.

Well, have to go pick up my s. How y'all doin?