Anyway, H brought it up b/c he was worried about how my behaviour would affect the kids (f'n jerk! worry about your own behaviour!).
Well God surely was with you because most normal human beings would have slugged him upside the head at that point. You'll learn to be more careful with the kid's, he is completely clueless. And yes, I agree with your T, he is just being the model dad to impress his GF.
Quote:
I will admit to being insanely jealous of ow, though not so much her and H (though that hurts), but b/c H is now finally acting like the H and father I wanted him to be.
It's great that you can admit that, but think logically about what you are jealous of. Do you really want a H like your STBXH? Do you REALLY think he's changed? Can you see how she'll be sorry for her poor judgement some day?
Now here's a biggie, huge, immense, immovable object. The love your kid's have in their hearts for YOU! There will NEVER be another woman to even come remotely close to filling YOUR shoes. Your kid's love you, and will continue loving you more than any other human being on this earth! Look through the darkness of jealousy, and see that maybe the OW might have helped your D through an uncomfortable moment by helping her with her hair. Your H is making really stupid decisions and your kid's can use all the love they can get, even if it's from OW.
The best thing you can do for them is just what you're doing. Pray/work through the pain, heal, and move on. You are a strong, faithful, and loving woman. You have grown tremendously over the past 12 months. The sun will shine on your life again, and you will dance through the flowers. You're just a little stuck in the mud right now, but you'll get through it, and thrive again.
Hang in there, I'm proud of you!
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
COG - you are such a good friend to me. Thank you for not deserting me. I feel like such a failure (despite what you said, AMD).
I just want my family back, that's what I really want. No - that's not true. What I want is the family we COULD have, the family H is now making with his GF. That's what I wanted, what he never gave me or the kids. But apparently, he is capable of it.
I wish I were stronger. I wish I could keep waiting. I wish I could detach and not go through with the D. But I can't. I just can't.
Bad night--things will be better tomorrow.
N
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Woman, you are grieving, and that's OK. Being strong doesn't mean never feeling sad or always putting on a brave face. You have written about the deep happiness that is at your core. It is still there in spite of the grief, and you will feel it again because you have grown is ways too numerous to list.
I'm sure you know this poem, but I'm posting it here for you anyway.
After A While by Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure you really are strong you really do have worth and you learn and you learn with every goodbye, you learn...
Certain lines make me think of you, especially this one: "you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child"
You are doing this now, Nicola. You are showing your dignity and worth under great pressure--that's how we all know it's for real and theat you will heal from this.
Yep, that's the feeling alright. That's what happens when people with integrity reach a point of acceptance. Failure is a VERY tough pill for us to swallow. Your M failed, your H failed, you failed. Yep that about sums it up. Now how you spend the next five minutes, five days, five weeks, five years is completely up to you.
I can't imagine how painful this must be for you, but everythings gonna be alright!
Hang in there!
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
The feeling of failure. We all feel it. But the fact of the matter is we stood and we tried and we wanted to work at it. We can't force them though. You are not a failure. You are a strong, beautiful, all around wonderful woman, mother, friend you name it.
Lots of love and hugs coming your way!
Christy M: 31 H: 33 Married ~ 13 years S12 S8 Bomb 10/05 supposedly ended A 2nd bomb 12/30/05 Separated 01/06 I filed 6/12/07 ~ new ow 3wks after moving out http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1094955&page=0#Post1094955
My stitch is so very similar to yours. My h was with ow then broke up with her and seemed like he was on his way home when his 40th bday approached and then he met ow3. Now she is the love of his life and he has made a family with her and my children.
It does not sound to me like you are done. Your h is still out there lost and searching for happiness. Do not let appearances fool you.
You do not have to give up if you want your family back. You also do not have to make any decisions now. It is possible to move on and live a full life without a d. There is no closure with a d anyway.
Take some time to really decide what you want. Do not base it on what your h is doing or not doing. You are his wife. He is in mlc.
I know how hard this is. But you are getting stronger every day.It does get easier.
