I think those 3 goals sound great. You already have an idea of what to do to get there. It also sounds like they will play into each other, i.e. giving him more time alone with DD will help you not jump in so much, or spending time together with a glass of wine after she's down and listening will give you the opportunity to praise him, etc.
I HATE hearing about this "friend." Can you tell us objectively how H reacts to her approaches? What does he get from her that he doesn't get from you? And is there a way to put sugar in her gas tank without getting caught?
