WAW March '02, came home June '03, I left May '04 because of total neglect and her probable involvement with OM. Sold house May '06, bought new home May '06 and everyone back together June '06.
We continue to attend MC together about once a month, she goes some on her own.
I was a driven, compulsive one-sided spouse. Have attempted to soften all that, yet retain my self.
However, she remains out there. Am doing some phone counceling which has been very helpful and will continue it.
I suspect at this point in time my biggest problem is wanting things to be better now and I am not sure how to deal with physical neglect and seeming lack of interest on her part.
I am gainfully employed with no $ or drug problems. Two young sons who are doing great in all areas. She is 47 and beautiful...she did go through a horrible "I'm free" period, but that has pretty much resolved with time. She probably maintains contact with the OM, but probably limited to email and phone stuff.
So, I now live with my wife of 22 years who really acts like a roommate...now and then we "have sex", but never kiss or hug. Do things together like movies, dinners, vacations with the children. If I bring up R, the wall goes up and she hedges. I know she doesn't want a divorce and when I bring it up, she says, "do what you need to do".
So it seems like I am just living in a very disorienting relationship where I am committed to it, but she's just sort of hanging out and giving minimal effort.
It is a great thing we all are back together and getting along, yet that special something is totally missing.
I would love some concrete advice from anyone who has been in this type of situation and found something that works.
The best thing I've read today is that "while I am waiting for her to change, she's actually waiting for me to change." That statement really took me by surprize and opened my eyes to the fact that maybe I am still doing some things that are negatively affecting our progress. I am the one who brings up the "R", I am the one who talks about the fact that we don't kiss. I am the one who will initiate a hug although it might as well be with my sister.
