Could Use Some Input Over here

[RedHeadWife]

I'm actually in piecing. Whether that is where I should be is questionable, but that's a whole other story.

Part of the downfall of my M was my lack of desire for sex. We had 3 boys in the span of 7 yrs. I got pregnant w/ the first 2 weeks after we got married. Had 2nd when first was 4, 2 1/2 yrs ago and then had another 1 yr ago February. Quite a handfull.

I'm sure it's tossed around here a lot that sex is pretty different for men & women. For me, during pregnancy, it was almost painful so that cut out 9 months x 3. Then I was so tired when baby(ies) were still getting up all the time during the night and then even once they started sleeping through the night, it was hard for me to "get in the mood" when I was half listening for one or all 3.

I guess my "question" would be -- why after he wants a D am I all of a sudden wanting it more and don't feel at all self-conscious (another issue), etc. He actually asked the other night why one position was all of a sudden good for me when it never was before. I told him the truth-I've lost a lot of weight (because of the D bomb) and I'm not so self-conscious anymore.

We are in piecing because I think we are going forward w/ our M. Although I am not having any R talks partly because I don't want to put any pressure on him, but also b/c I'm not sure I want to hear what he may still be saying (don't love you, etc.)

He has not initiated since all this happened. He actually at times said "I don't want that from YOU." He has said numerous times that he felt "rejected" when I didn't want to have sex w/ him (and trust me I now know how he feels).

We do have sex now, Friday night was the last time, however, Saturday night he kinda sorta turned me down. Anyway, should I keep initiating since I don't want him to think "things are going back to the way they were?" Men, how should I take it that he's not initiating at all?