H is home - now what?

[RedHeadWife]

Where are you at, girlie?? Let us know how things are going!

[Cissy]

Hi,

Everything is going ok. Oh, I am still snooping, too. I just can't let my guard down. She still calls him at least 2 or 3 times a day, even very late at night, but if he is with me, he does not answer. He does not jump to her like he used too. Thank goodness.

She makes me so mad! It is taking everything I have not to send her a text message telling her exactly what I think of her, something like... get your own life bit*h! "You pathetic little girl! I know you want what I have and want to be just like me, but you will never even come close you selfish, mal-adjusted, self-centered helping heart! You must be really desperate to be calling my H 3 times a day and late at night! Get a life! Give it up! Get your own Husband! Mine is taken!"

Whooooo! That felt better! I better not, huh? I know, I have to think, is what I am about to do going to make things better or worse. I think that would be a huge backslide on my part because that would make my H not like that too much.

On Sunday, he took me to their hangout. The waitress was like, so where have you 2 been! H says, I'm back home now and I said, Hi I'm #%$^'s Wife. It felt good to be in her space for once. I hope she finds out and she gets so jealous!!!!!

He's been talking with her on the phone quite a bit, though. I hate it!!!!! I saw a text from her to him that said she was sending him a suprise (still can't figure out what it was) and one that said. "Honey, you are awesome, and don't you ever forget it!" GAG GAG GAG UGGGGHHHHHHH!

I have be Dbusting like crazy!!! He is starting to treat me a little better. Yesterday he actually vacumed. And he seemed a little more affectionate. Will tell more later. Hope you are all doing well. Will catch up on threads later today. Take care. Say a prayer.

Cissy

[RedHeadWife]

I'm praying for you, sweets. I honestly don't know how I would handle your sitch. Hopefully someone else has some advice. He's still living w/ you, right? Remind me again your kids' ages?

Vent here, not at him. Like you said, that won't help the sitch at all.

[Cissy]

H is still living with me, yes. Kids are 16, 15 and 3. Ouch. I know. Quite a spread, huh? Yes, vent here, vent here. Thank goodness for here.

You know what I have been wanting to do. Get on my treadmill, if only it worked. I guess, I could go to the gym... if I could find the time. (I know, make time). That will be my next goal.

But how could something so bad (their relationship) keep going on, something has got to give... you think she would get aggravated and snap at him or something? She's got to be frustrated, although, I do not know what their converstations intale... @^$%#$! I wish I had a crystal ball! She's got to break sometime? Right? Ugghhhh (frustrated today and angry at H). I do not like to be made a fool of! Ugghhhhhh!

Tomorrow a better day! PMA GAL PMA GAL...

Take care,
Cissy

[RedHeadWife]

Ok, what are you doing up at 1a.m.?

I've read/heard a lot around here that the A and OW is like a drug to them and they're addicted. It takes time to "get off of it." They are feeling that wonderful spark of "newness" that we W's just don't bring out in them anymore. That's why we have to try to put that spark back in our M -- no it might not last, but they realize what they have is the best and LONG TERM. Love is a choice after awhile, it's not always going to be the fireworks like it is at first. I've read the fireworks love lasts about 2 yrs, then you have to work on making the other still feel loved, needed, etc. Use their LL.

I would think that either she is going to get frustrated & start pushing him, therefore pushing him away or he's going to grow bored of it.

[limbo]

I totally understanding what you are saying! But sometimes I just get so angry! The spark has gone for them, h*ll they asked us to marry them! they wanted us! but now because they aren't front and centre it gives them the excuse to go running of with some tramp!
Do they think its a picnic for us! but here we all are sticking by these guys, not wondering of with someone else!
I just had to vent alittle, sorry about that!!
Cissy, you are doing great! We all have the patience of saints! no matter what we think, we have to, to be where we are!

((((((cissy)))))

By the way, I wouldn't call or text her, because then you just come down to there level! and we are way better then that!

[Delil@h]

You are going thru sooooooo much. DO NOT allow that "fool" feeling to fester too much. I used to refer to myself with that term too! UUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH is right but take a real deep breath ... and imagine yourself throwing a couple things at him just kidding of course..... LMAO
You are no fool.. you just love him. HUGE difference!!!!!!!!
But do not let that LOVE cloud you OVER either..

.....do not take your claws out SWEETIE but do lovingly detach a little more and protect yourself by loving yourself more and really working on you. I know it sounds corny but it really does work! And remember it takes time and you need to allow yourself that time. And whoever put in your thread that OW is like an addiction is right,,, and affair is hard for them to let go even when it is toxic. And then when they let go they actually grieve it too.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF HONEY PLEASE AND I WILL CHECK ON YOU WHEN I CAN~
God bless...

[Cissy]

Up at 1:00 a.m. finishing up laundry and dishes and making lunches because i practicaly worked all day and I am afraid to leave the house a mess to give H an excuse to flee! Isn't that a terrible feeling.

Last night I had the weirdest dream... I went down in the basement and when I turned around there were mice covering the floor... GROSS! I had to run across them stepping on them to get to the steps to go back upstairs and crushing some of them.. . even more gross.

I thought this was so bizarre i looked it up in a dream book, it said... it fortells domestic troubles and insincerity of friends. Warns of secret enemies. (OW) (H?) and that DECEPTION is being practiced upon me. (Well, I knew this already) it also said if I killed them I would defeat my enemies.

How about that? I was letting it all get to me today. I wish I would have read all your posts first... Thanks, they helped calm me down. I snapped at my kids today. I hate when I do that. Lost my temper. I will try to distance myself from it all again. Whew! It has been about 1-1/2 years for them and their sparks. I will give it more time. I was ready to explode today.

Thanks again, you all have helped me. God Bless.
Cissy

[RedHeadWife]

I don't stay up until 1 a.m., but I know exactly what you mean about the laundry, dishes, making dinner every night, etc., etc.!!!! Oh and don't forget not going to be bed early even if I'm tired b/c I want to spend time w/ H after the boys go to bed. Not complaining necessarily, but . . . . My H actually was doing a lot of the laundry & other things around the house and I was taking care of the boys (they are all still young and the baby still needs constant watch or has to be in his play pen), but that was his way of "making everything ok for me" and I think was the straw that broke the camel's back so to say. Anyway, he's not doing much of anything lately so I make sure it's all done and always done!! But the way I'm justifying it is, once he leaves for the year, I'll have to do it all anyway, so I've just had 3 mnths of practice now

I've noticed that, when things aren't going well w/ H and M/R, I don't have as much patience w/ the boys either. I've felt like telling him that, but obviously haven't.

Don't read the dream books!!!! It just gives you more to stress about and/or think/dwell on. Anyway, I suppose if you at least killed one of the mice while stepping over them, maybe you killed the OW, right?

[Heywyre]

as far as dream books go, you have to remember they are published to make money so they will say whatever sells

In theory, it is actually much simpler than a dream book. Your dreams are about your conscious and sub-conscious coming together and sorting out all that is happening in your life.

Think about it ... what are you doing all day, cleaning cleaning cleaning and making sure everything is perfect. Going down the basement and seeing mice all over the floor isn't exactly perfect housecleaning is it? So, that would indicate to me that you are putting way too much pressure on yourself about keeping your house spotless and it is coming back to haunt you at night too.