Looking backward but only to look forward SIX

[sage]

OK, I'm back...sorry for the total MIA act. What I was going to say was that the idea to simplify dinner time really resonated with me...not so much in regards to what I'm making for DD but that I was trying to pull her dinner together, her meals for the next day, wind down from my day, and listen to h wind down from his day all at the same time. I really wish that he would hold off from telling me the details of his day until she's fed and settled playing but how do you tell the guy who used to never talk to just hold off talking for a while????

Anyway, I'm back today in total acceptance of the fact that I NEED to be DB'ing every day and that I NEED at least one visit to this site every day to make that happen. I guess I require the journalling to keep my goals in the forefront because it is NOT working just freestyle. I thought we were doing better and I suppose in some ways we are but in someways I feel like we have gone WAY back in the time machine and I do not like it.

We've continued with our date nights and that has been going really well. I think it's a definite positive for us. But, honestly, it hasn't been enough. We're still at odds about many things...much of them centered around DD, how much energy and attention she takes (and presumably how much energy and attention that takes away from him). He doesn't seem to GET that if he would just help out more at home that I would have more energy for him...I know, I know, it's the same old refrain and I swear I am trying to keep my wits about me but trying to tend to her, work full time, and keep him happy is leaving me with nothing in the tank. I'm hoping it's that I'm expending my energy in the wrong places and that if I can refocus, well, things will get better.

I've also been panicking lately a little about some of h's "friends" at work...not in the same "oh, Sage is jealous" way but in the sense of, is there really, truly some hint of something, if not actually going on, maybe being "flirted" with (pun sort of intended)? Maybe someone who's just a wee bit too friendly and chatty and "oh, give a call when you can"? I briefly reverted to some bad behaviors and as expected they sent me back to THAT place of feeling like crap, despairing, even crying like crazy in the bathroom at work yesterday. I cannot, cannot, cannot, will not, deal with all of that again.

So, I swear, I don't even know where to start. I posted goals last time I was here, right, a million years ago? Oh, I just looked at them and I don't think they're what I need to be focusing on...I need to be focusing on getting h more attention and bandwidth from me, relaxing my standards a bit about getting things done (ok, so that sort of resonates with the goals of late).

1. Figure out very specific ways to give h attention: he mentioned that he loves getting text messages from me so do that! LISTEN completely when he's talking. Consider saying "Let's talk about this after DD is settled so I can really pay attention to what you are saying" and then show him that agreeing to that pays dividends. Remember items that he mentions and ask about them.

2. Get back into the mindset that not everything has to be done now. There are certain Must do's and certain can be done later. STOP acting as though everything is a crisis. Wait a beat before jumping in and doing something. Let him get the chance to accomplish something and then praise lavishly.

3. He said the other day that it's "my way or the highway" with DD. BACK OFF when he is with her. Give them more time alone (even though he will balk at this). Figure out some specific tasks that HE does related to her instead of doing them all yourself.

Ok, gotta run. BBL. Sage