Tam...it is really hard to tell you what to work on since we don't really know you personally...we can point out the biggies that we see in your writing...and that we have pointed out to you...
Again, you need to stop working on your marriage for now...and totally focus on working on YOU...
Did you tell the Dr. you were having suicidal thoughts???...This is crucial as some of the antidepressents can cause this to happen and people have actually attempted (some succeeded) suicide...So this is no minor issue...this is MAJOR!
When using lorazepam, it should be recognized that suicidal tendencies may be present and that protective measures may be required
Lorazepam may increase the effects of other drugs that cause drowsiness, including antidepressants, alcohol, antihistamines, sedatives (used to treat insomnia), pain relievers, anxiety medicines, seizure medicines, and muscle relaxants. Tell your doctor about all medicines that you are taking, and do not take any medicine without first talking to your doctor.
Lorazepam is habit forming. You can become physically and psychologically dependent on the medication. Do not take more than the prescribed amount of medication or take it for longer than is directed by your doctor. Withdrawal effects may occur if lorazepam is stopped suddenly after several weeks of continuous use. Your doctor may recommend a gradual reduction in dose.
My concern for you right now is that you get yourself into a better place emotionally...stop worrying about H...you can't continue to rely on these drugs...if you think you can "drug" your way through this you need to go back and read the posts to you...someone, can't remember right now who...mentioned that if there was a magic pill she would have found it by now...I ditto that...as I said, I did take some AD's for a short period of time but soon realized I was better off feeling my feelings...allowing myself to have them...and work on getting better myself...the drugs didn't help me get better and I could see where they would have caused more problems for me had I continued...I think they have their place...but again if you think they are going to "carry" you through this...you are only fooling yourself and eventually you will have to face this all again...
I think you need to do some self soothing things...I listed some that I used...non-drug, non-alcoholic...and try and work through some of your own issues...try and focus on your positive traits and increase them...you can only do so much...if you fill your life with positives it leaves less room for the negatives....it is really that simple!
